Oh double-barrel question. That paragraph where you noted that I switched back to past tense, did I switch back to present after that? And did you make any changes to the tense? Because for the life of me I didn't even realise I'd done it
Oh double-barrel question. That paragraph where you noted that I switched back to past tense, did I switch back to present after that? And did you make any changes to the tense? Because for the life of me I didn't even realise I'd done it
A moment passed and I realised that I had spoken the words aloud. I hadn’t said a word since leaving the temple, so my own voice sounded strange to my ears. The absurdity of that mingled with the absurdity of my situation, a smile spreading across my face, followed by a gush of laughter. Fighting to regain my composure, I realised that there was a steady stream of tears running down my temples and into my hair. The realisation causing my laughter burst forth again.
I gave it a go, although I wouldn't be surprised if I've made it worse or not really changed anything at all.
A moment passed and I realised that I had spoken the words aloud. I hadn’t said a word since leaving the temple, so my own voice sounded strange to my ears. The absurdity of that mingled with the absurdity of my situation, a smile spreading across my face, followed by a gush of laughter. Fighting to regain my composure, I realised that there was a steady stream of tears running down my temples and into my hair. The realisation causing my laughter burst forth again.
I gave it a go, although I wouldn't be surprised if I've made it worse or not really changed anything at all.
I'd say that's really good! There's still the issue of it being in past tense while the beginning was in present tense, but still, nice work! I would say the last two sentences might work slightly better like this:
Despite the internal battle to regain my composure, I realised that there was a steady stream of tears running down my temples and into my hair. The realisation caused my laughter to burst forth again.
I'd say that's really good! There's still the issue of it being in past tense while the beginning was in present tense, but still, nice work! I would say the last two sentences might work slightly better like this:
Despite the internal battle to regain my composure, I realised that there was a steady stream of tears running down my temples and into my hair. The realisation caused my laughter to burst forth again.
All right, I'll rewrite that paragraph in present tense.
A moment passes and I realise that I had spoken the words aloud. I hadn’t said a word since leaving the temple, so my own voice sounds strange to my ears. The absurdity of that mingles with the absurdity of my situation, a smile spreading across my face, followed by a gush of laughter. Fighting to regain my composure, I realise that there is a steady stream of tears running down my temples and into my hair. The realisation causes my laughter to burst forth again.
That is present tense. The guy is experiencing everything (except the past) right now. See what I mean?
All right, I'll rewrite that paragraph in present tense.
A moment passes and I realise that I had spoken the words aloud. I hadn’t said a word since leaving the temple, so my own voice sounds strange to my ears. The absurdity of that mingles with the absurdity of my situation, a smile spreading across my face, followed by a gush of laughter. Fighting to regain my composure, I realise that there is a steady stream of tears running down my temples and into my hair. The realisation causes my laughter to burst forth again.
That is present tense. The guy is experiencing everything (except the past) right now. See what I mean?
Ah yeah I can see it. I think what was causing it was that I was thinking about it as the character having spoke before that paragraph, and I was then unintentionally past tensing.
Ah yeah I can see it. I think what was causing it was that I was thinking about it as the character having spoke before that paragraph, and I was then unintentionally past tensing.