So, a recently posted build uses the idea of a lonely-hearts column as a cheap gimmick to get its roleplay and backstory across. In an ensuing discussion your favorite lore guy and mine, Phil, suggested personal advertisements for Elisif, Ulfric, and Elenwen, which resulted in the nonsense that follows:
Fair and Regal Nord widow of Solitude seeks Nord male more interested in who I am than what I am. Stormcloak sympathizers need not apply.
--Nobody's Pawn
Single true Nord seeks like-minded true daughter of Skyrim. I enjoy long talks on the justness of the Stormcloak cause, the suckiness of Genral Tullius, and the general awesomeness of Ulfric (true High King of Skyrim) Stormcloak; the old Nord way; and thrones. Must be willing to relocate to Solitude.
--Over-BEARing
Single, delightful, sophisticated, intelligent, powerful, well-connected, stunningly beautiful, and slightly deluded Altmer female in possession of a healthy ego seeks more power, a chance to escape this frigid wasteland, and a finely crafted mirror to talk to.
--Puts-the-'more'-in-Thalmore
It turned out to be a lot of fun, and we'd love to see what personal advertisements you all come up with for any character found in the game. Now because true love can be difficult to find, repeats are, of course, more than welcome (Elisif, Ulfric, and Elenwen are still fair game). So, with Valentine's Day just around the corner, and in the spirit of true love, we present:
The board is now open for posting... may Mara's love guide you ;D
I had to take off for work, but here's one to start off:
Single, mature, and justifiably paranoid Nord male seeks: female companionship and solace from the dreams that haunt him. I tire of living in the sewer. I tire of the twenty locks on my door. I tire of the twenty locks on my heart. If you have a secluded getaway above ground, a soothing voice, and perhaps a key... you're probably the one.
Please respond with one long knock on the door, three short taps, two long knocks, five more short taps, and three scratches. Do this three times, kick the bottom of the door twice, then ask me where I was the 30th of Frostfall--I'll know what you mean.
--Cautious-but-caring in Riften (Esbern)
I had to look that character up... he sounds hilarious, but I couldn't tell if it was a "methinks the Nord doth protest too much" type of thing, or if he really is just ticked off by all the people who assume he's been tricked by a witch.
Morrowind is hot, so I can see how a Nord (who even in the coldest of climates wears very little) might get a bit flushed xD
Paranoid, controlling bartender seeks an easily controlled male Dragonborn who doesn't take shit from anyone but me. I enjoy strolls through secret bases, evading the Thalmor and eradicating all of my enemies from the face of the earth. potential suitors must ask to use the attic room, and not be surprised at what my hidden lair holds
-Del-Fine of Riverwood
Shy, insecure, newly apointed chieftain seeks a handfull of females that would run the stronghold instead of me, because I have no idea how should I do that. My father was kinda jerk, so I don´t want to end up like him. I promise I will fight and hunt whenever it´s needed, I just need few wives to cook me some meal, forge me some weapons, guard my weapon side, share a good hunt with me. Oh, and I guess we´ll need bigger bed, because we´ll all sleep in one bed.
- That Orc who became chieftain without a fight
Sorry guys.
Fun, aesthetically pleasing and loyal jester seeks someone who will listen, laugh and understand his jokes. I care not for your gender or species, but it has to be open minded about shaving your body so it's easier to oil you. No fury cat-jeets, unless you have terminal cancer and are willing to let go of your body once you die. You need not to bring your own shackles, my friends can provide it once you arrive at my little love refugee in the snowy shores of the Sea of Ghosts. The skull at the door by no means represents my social nature.
- C stands for Curious
That's great! xD
It also really freaks me out, but then again everything about the Dark Brotherhood does. When I played Mason's Kingslayer, I discovered the shackles and decided that perhaps I'd had enough. I also put an end to "Curious" the second they gave me that option xD