The Mighty Sven

  •         BASED ON A TRUE STORY(not really)

         It's just another normal day in Riverwood when Hadvar arrives with a fearsome looking blonde nord behind him. About an hour later the fearsome looking blonde nord comes out even more fearsome looking with an Iron helmet with badass horns, Iron Boots, Hide Bracers and very nice looking Studded Armor. Sven approaches the man with a very determined look in his eyes, when the man sees Sven approaching he puts pulls out his sword ready to defend himself. 

    Sven: "Faendal thinks he can lure Camilla Valerious away from me, she's already mine I keep telling him!" 

    Blonde Nord: "Camilla and Faendal, yes they probably make a very good couple either way it's none of my business, now if you excuse me I have some very important business to attend to"

    Sven: "You may be right. Camilla may see Faendal as little more than a friend, but why take chances? Here. Give Camilla this letter. It's full of venomous nonsense. Tell her it's from Faendal."

    Blonde Nord: "What? No, I don't have time for this. Get out of my way!"

    Sven  hands the man a letter and walks away to speak with his mother.

    Blonde Nord: *sigh* "Fine, I was gonna check out the general goods store anyways and for some reason I just can't drop this letter, it's like some greater power is telling me I can't"

    The fearsome looking nord sees a shop called The Riverwood Trader and goes inside. To find a man and a woman arguing.

    Camilla"Well one of us has to do something!"
    "We are done talking about this."
    Camilla"Well what are you going to do then, huh? Let's hear it!"
    Lucan"I said no! No adventures, no theatrics, no thief-chasing! Oh, a customer. Sorry you had to hear that."

    Blonde Nord: "What where you arguing about?" (wait what? why did I ask that!? can I skip this?)

    Lucan: "Yes, some thieves broke in and stole an ornament, shaped like a dragon's claw.

    Blonde Nord: I could go fetch it for you from. (wait what!? why am I saying these things!?)

    Lucan: "You could? I've got some coin coming in from my last shipment. It's yours if you bring my claw back. If you're going after those thieves, you should head to Bleak Falls Barrow, northeast of town."

    Blonde Nord: "Fine" (Seriously what is up with me today? Why can't I just say no to these people!)

    The fearsome looking nord was about to leave when he remembered he had that letter he couldn't get rid off, so he hand it to Camilla.

    Blonde Nord: "Sven wanted me to hand you this letter"

    Camilla: "But this letter says it's from Faendal.. and it's very mean"

    Blonde Nord: "Yes Faendal! That's right, forgive me! I'm new I don't know the names of the people yet but that letter is definitely from Faendal, you people all look alike."

    Camilla: "But Faendal is an e-"

    The fearsome looking nord leaves without letting her finish. As soon as he walks out he spots Sven speaks to him.

    Sven: "Did you do it? Did you hand Camilla the letter?"

    Blonde Nord: "I don't think Camilla will be spending any more time with Faendal"

    Sven: "Ah thank you friend! Here take this, some gold I saved up from my tips at the inn. And I also heard you're going to help fetch the claw that was stolen from the shop, I'm coming with you!"

    Blonde Nord: "What? No! I'm not going there! I'm headed to Whiterun!"

    As the fearsome looking nord starts walking away he notices Sven is following closely behind.

    Blonde Nord: "I told you, I'm not going"

    Sven: "Lead the way"

    Blonde Nord: "I'm NOT going to Bleak Falls Barrow"

    Sven: "Lead the way"

    Blonde Nord: "I'M NOT GOING!" *he pulls out his sword as a guard is walking by*

    Guard: "Guard might get nervous, a man approaches with his weapon drawn"

    Blonde Nord: "What!? No no sorry it was an accident!"

    Guard: "No lollygaging"

    Blonde Nord: "What does that even mean?" *he looks at Sven*

    Sven: "Lead the way."

    Blonde Nord: "Fine! We're going to the bloody Barrow!"

    Sven: "Lead the way" 

    Blonde Nord: "..........." 

    The fearsome looking nord starts making his way up the mountain killing wolves and bandits who had made a watchtower their base, because he he told him to wait Sven was playing his flute the whole time, even when the Bandit Chief knocked the fearsome looking nord down and almost smashed his head with his giant Iron Warhammer.

    Blonde Nord: "I know I told you to wait but I know for a fact that you have a bow!"

    Sven: "How can I help?"

    Blonde Nord: "You can help by not playing the flute and at least shooting people with your bow!"

    Sven: "You lead I'll follow"

    Blonde Nord: I'm assuming that means ok, seriously why can't you just talk normally?"

    The fearsome looking nord fights his was inside the barrow with Sven shooting arrow after arrow from a long distance away as support.

    Blonde Nord: "Well done!! Keep doing what you're doing! Here, I picked this up from one of the bandits, it's not much but it provides more protection than those clothes"

    Sven: "Sure thing, how can I help?"

    The fearsome looking nord hands Sven a Hide armor, Fur Bracers and Hide boots. Sven equips them in less than a few seconds for some reason.

    Blonde Nord: "Woah! How did you do that!?"

    Sven: "Lead on!"

    Blonde Nord: "...right I forgot"

    The duo of warriors fight their way through the barrow, killing a handful of bandits, a giant spider, a dark elf and countless draugr. 

    Blonde Nord: "You know, I gotta say... you're proving yourself quite useful. You may not say much for some reason but your doing pretty well for someone who spends all his time singing at the inn and flirting, the way you shot that elf while he was trying to run away with the claw after I cut him down was pretty brutal"

    Sven: "Lead on!"

    Blonde Nord: "Nevermind, you're annoying and when we get back to Riverwood I'm probably going to kill you and take Camilla for myself!"

    Sven: "........"

    Blonde Nord: "Yeah, that's what I thought" 

    The fearsome looking nord walks into a long corridor but realized Sven isn't behind him.

    Blonde Nord: "Hey! Get over here!..... Are you coming or not!?

    *he draws his blade and Sven draws his bow*

    Blonde Nord: "Oh now you wanna fight!?"

    *Sven runs towards him showing no signs of aggression, besides the sprinting* 

    Blonde Nord: "Oh, uh ok guess you're over it"

    Sven: "Lead on!"

    Eventually they reach a door locked with some kind of ancient gear like mechanism, the fearsome looking nord managed to figure it out while Sven played his flute, despite how many times he was told to be quiet.

    Blonde Nord: "Sven do you hear that? It sounds like chanting. 

    Sven: "Yes? How can I help?"

    Blonde Nord: "Oh so you hear it too! Ok then I'm not hearing things! Just watch my back while I go check it out, whatever happens just stick to what you know and use your bow.

    The fearsome looking nord approaches the wall with strange carvings all over it and felt a sudden surge of power.

    Blonde Nord: "Woah, what was that!? Sven did you se-"

    He was interrupted by a nearby coffin opening and from it came a draugr, this one clad in heavy armor and a helmet with even bigger horns than one the blonde nord was wearing/

    Sven: Never should've come here! 

    Blonde Nord: "That's right! I'm counting on you Sven! No matter what you do, dont stop shooting those arrows! I'm not sure I can take this thing alone!"

    Draugr Deathlord: "Fus... Ro Dah!"

    Sven: "Mercy!!!!" *Sven runs away to hide behind a pillar*

    Blonde Nord: "What are you doing Sven!? You're supposed to be helping!! Shoot him! I can't block his attacks and strike him at the same time! Sven! Damn it!!"

    After a shield bash the fearsome looking nord quickly drank a stamina potion from a green bottle and swung his steel sword with all his might once, twice, three times, four until eventually the Deathlord was down on his knees, he also fell to his knees because of how physically drained he was.

    Blonde Nord: "Now Sven! Finish him! Shoot him!" Just do it!"

    Sven: "As you wish"

    Sven drew his bow, his gorgeous blonde hair flowing from the strong breeze coming from an opening in the ceiling, his hands sweaty, his brow lowered, his face with a very fierce expression and he released. The arrow went straight into the fearsome nord's neck and he fell to the ground. Sven pulled his bow back one more time and this time shot the Deathlord in it's right glowing eye with incredible accuracy and the monster finally fell, dropping a stone tablet from his armor.

    Blonde Nord: "Sven... why?"

    Sven: "Camilla Valerious is mine, just stay away from her or else!"

    Blonde Nord: "Or else!? You... already..."

    The fearsome looking nord's eyes color faded and with a large thud as the rest of his body hit the ground.. he died.

    Sven: "Good riddance to bad rubbish, I always say"

    Sven picked up the Golden claw from the dead man's corpse and made his way out of the Barrow. When he arrived at Riverwood he went straight to Lucan and Camilla and delivered them their precious claw. They were both extremely grateful, Lucan payed him 1000 gold pieces and Camilla gave him a juicy kiss. 

    The legend of the Mighty Sven will be sung for ages to come, one day a simple bard, a man competing with woodland creature for the affections of an average looking woman and taking care of his delusional mother who speaks of black dragons. And the next day heralded as a hero by his small town for surviving an adventure inside an ancient Nordic Barrow and killing countless draugr and bandits.

    All hail the mighty Sven! 

    I have no idea why I wrote this xD I usually keep this ridiculous stuff to myself but I said, hey whatever! Maybe someone finds this relatable so I wrote it here instead of my wordpad. In case it wasn't obvious the NPC's only said things they can say in the actual game, except for Sven when he says wants to go to the Barrow. The only person with original dialogue was the "mysterious blonde nord".

    Anyways I wanted to write something silly so I did.

    I guess I'm open to any tips from regular bloggers but like I said this was a spur of the moment decision so I wasn't really aiming for likes or a meaningful discussion. It was just a break from reading so many serious blogs.

    edit: I wrote Falkreath instead of Riverwood for some reason.


  • Naeg Runs-Into-Walls
    Naeg Runs-Into-Walls   ·  July 20, 2015
    @Gollum Not really but personally I enjoy reading screenplays a whole lot more than actual books, since they get right into the "action" and don't have ridiculously long monologues or a page and a half describing a room in which the characters were only i...  more
  • Gollum
    Gollum   ·  July 20, 2015
    So was this supposed to be written as a play?
  • Sotek
    Sotek   ·  July 20, 2015
    Hi Naeg
    It's nice to see members of the Blog open new doors and branch out.
    An amusing tale, well done.
  • Idesto a'Shinbira
    Idesto a'Shinbira   ·  July 20, 2015
    Bob Dylan @Naeg: greatest singer-songwriter ever, imo. I just assumed you'd have heard of him. Dylan wrote & 1st recorded this, but Mannfred Mann had a hit with it. Your title immediately brought it to mind :)

    Thanks @Lissette :)
  • The Long-Chapper
    The Long-Chapper   ·  July 20, 2015
    Yeah, don't insult Shibby's Milly. 
    Ah, I do like these types of stories. They make me laugh.  Nice work. 
  • Idesto a'Shinbira
    Idesto a'Shinbira   ·  July 20, 2015
    And hey: "average looking"?! Don'Don't diss my Milly! She also has hidden talents ;)
  • Idesto a'Shinbira
    Idesto a'Shinbira   ·  July 20, 2015
    Me too @Meli! I think you're right: Dylan wrote it but they had a hit with it as a single. I don't know when he recorded his 'version'
  • Naeg Runs-Into-Walls
    Naeg Runs-Into-Walls   ·  July 20, 2015
    @Meli  thanks I didn't give Sven many original lines because I wanted people to think "yes this totally happed to me"   I know! I was always having to backspace because whenever I removed the bold it skipped a line for some reason.
    @Idesto  Thanks ^...  more
  • Idesto a'Shinbira
    Idesto a'Shinbira   ·  July 20, 2015
    Sry for typos: phone
  • Meli
    Meli   ·  July 20, 2015
    Interesting concept Naeg, and I can see Sven being exactly as you describe if he was given the chance
    You may want to take a look at your line breaks and formatting, you seem to have some double line breaks at the start, the editor can get a bit tr...  more