With a loud crack-tinkle the brandy balloon shattered into a thousand pieces, showering the bar-top with glass.
Darnit! thought Al, That's the third one this morning! After more than a month of preparation, scavenging, building and renovation, one would have thought that Al could polish a glass by now. He swept up the pieces and surveyed the room. It had been three weeks since opening and things appeared to be going well. He had managed to patch up several old poker machines that he had found on the outskirts of New Vegas, plus some craps tables and even a roulette wheel. He'd done all the wiring with several generators hooked up out the back and constructed a low stage for shows. Then he'd stocked the bar with booze he'd found out in the wasteland, in derelict homes and abandoned camps, along with the myriad glassware. Which he kept breaking.
I guess super-mutant hands just weren't made for washing glasses, thought Al with a shrug of his giant green shoulders.
It appeared to be a good day today. In fact, the crowds were getting better every day. All of the poker machines were in use, mainly by wasters low on their luck and caps. Some of the other Soops (the super mutant's nick name for their kind) were gathered around a craps table bellowing enthusiastically, slapping each other on the back and slamming two carved human skulls for dice down on the table each turn.
Al smiled. They were often the best spenders. Once they had found their passion for gambling, the Soops had begun organised raids on caravans and small towns, mainly for the caps that they could spend at his place.
A cheer erupted from a black-jack table. Marigold, Al's pet centaur, was dealing out cards simultaneously to three players with her long leathery tri-tongue. The table was surrounded by cadaverous ghouls, cheering on one of their own who appeared to have a large pile of caps in front of him. He was rocking back and forth manically, his head rapidly moving as he observed Marigold deal. He then ducked his head down and popped a white pill into his mouth. Mentats.
We've got a card counter here, thought Al. Stimmed out on mentats to help his concentration. But how do I get him out without the proof?
There was another loud cheer from the table.
"Fuck yeah!" yelled the stimming ghoul. Al grinned and rubbed his huge misshapen hands together.
"Og!" he yelled to the gigantic mutant who served as the doorman. "Grab him!" Og blinked at Al for a second and then stomped his eleven foot frame over to the table, stooping to avoid the flickering chandeliers hanging from the ceiling. He wrapped a massive hand around the ghoul's neck, lifted him kicking and gasping into the air, and then lumbered over to the bar, holding him out to Al at arm's length.
"Didn't you see the sign at the door?" barked Al. The ghoul flinched. Al pointed to a purple and gold-lettered sign which read 'No Swearing'. "Show him the door, Og."
The giant super mutant stomped back over to the door, holding the now choking ghoul out to it.
"LOOK!!" Og roared. "LOOK DOOR!!" Al clapped a hand over his face.
"No Og," he called patiently. "I meant that he needs to go through and out the door, ok?" Og looked over blinking again for a second.
"OUT AND THROUGH DOOR!!" Og bellowed and then smashed the ghoul so hard into the steel door that it ripped off it's hinges and clanged noisily on to the ground outside, leaving smears of skull and rotten ghoul flesh over it's metallic surface. Dust from the wasteland blew inside as Al shook his head. It was so hard to find good help.
Al turned his head at several gasps over near the roulette table. A nightkin held up its fists and yelled in triumph. It also had a huge amount of caps in its possession. Al's dark eyes narrowed as he saw a faint shimmer near the table. He walked over slowly as the nightkin spun again. The wheel gradually slowed with each revolution until it suddenly stopped, the ball on the exact number the blue-grey nightkin had bet on. Al moved swiftly to the table and with a blur of his arm sent a punch into seemingly thin air. There was a loud crunch and a sudden spurt of blood that came out of no-where and suddenly a second nightkin appeared, rolling on the floor holding its hands over its bloody nose. Al stamped on it's neck, breaking it with a wet snap.
"Right!" he boomed. "No more swearing and no more cheating! I expect you all to behave like civilized people whilst you're in my place. Got it?!" The room was silent for several seconds as he glared about. "Now, there will be a show in a few minutes followed by a meat raffle, so be good and have fun!" Al then stalked back to the bar, seething. This day was actually not going so well...
After a few minutes the noise of the crowd picked up again and the patrons went back to their games. Al looked up to the stage to see an eye peeking though the red curtains. Al was proud of those curtains. Sewn together with brahmin skin and dyed with the blood of a Viper raiding party it was the show piece of the room. He gave a nod to the curtains and then turned to the music machine behind the bar and pressed play.
A raunchy cacophony belted through the loudspeakers placed around the room and all heads turned. The red curtains were opening to reveal an obese female super mutant in suspenders, briefs and stockings made from fly mesh. Brahmin's tail tassles covered her breasts and her fanged face was covered in copious amounts of rouge, eye-liner and lip-stick. She grabbed hold of a large iron pole in the center of the stage and began to gyrate about it.
The crowd hooted and jeered as she spun around and wriggled her jiggling breasts suggestively. It was Isabella Mary-Jane's first show and she was determined to make an impression. She is certainly doing that, thought Al, flinching as he looked on. As Isabella began a clumsy bump and grind a mole-rat's head stuffed with prickly pear came flying across the room and smacked into her nose. The crowd erupted into laughter.
"Who threw that?!" she shrieked in a shrill voice. The crowd just laughed harder. "I'll teach you all how to respect true beauty!!" she screamed and launched herself off the stage and into the nearest onlookers, her fists raining hammer-like blows on heads and shoulders. Now the laughter turned to cries of pain and rage as a huge brawl broke out in front of the stage.
"Og!!" yelled Al to the doorman and pointed at the fray. "Break it up!" Og needed no further prompting as he charged into the melee and bodies started flying about the room.
"Marigold, the meat raffle!" Al bawled to his centaur over the noise. The centaur waddled off on fleshy pink tentacles. Al picked up a double-barreled shotgun from under the bar and blew both barrels into the ceiling above the brawl. The room quietened again as pieces of wood and plaster rained down on the crowd. Og hauled two smaller mutants up under each arm and blinked at Al.
"Righto then!" he shouted. "Last chance. I don't mid a bit of a rowdy but this is going too far! Now you can have a meat raffle or you can all go home and come back when you've learned some manners." spittle was flying from his lips. "What's it gonna be?!"
"MEAT RAFFLE, MEAT RAFFLE!!" chanted the crowd.
"Right, sit down, shut up and get your tickets ready." Al wiped a sheen of sweat from his giant bald pate. Surely this day couldn't get any worse.
Now Marigold was dragging a large upright wheel, made from a children's play-ground round-a-bout across the stage. Its outer perimeter was dotted with iron pegs and painted with numbers. Next, Marigold dragged a huge net full of bleeding meat and what appeared to be human body parts on to the stage. The crowd cheered.
"Give it a spin, Marigold!" called Al over the cheering. Then, in the distance from outside the casino, the sound of marching boots approaching could be heard. Al motioned Og to follow him outside. The pair stepped out into the afternoon haze and looked at the red dust cloud rising from the plane below the hills. It can't be NCR thought Al. They wouldn't come up this far and the Legion is too far away, and the raiders only had to learn the first time. Al squinted as he looked at the dust cloud. He could have sworn that he could see the glint of metal within the dust.
Suddenly, Og was blasted backwards as multiple red beams lanced into his chest.
"OWWW!" he howled. "BIG WASPS STING OG!" Al threw himself to the ground and tried to drag Og back inside.
"Those were laser beams, Og! Not wasps!! Get inside!" Al helped the huge mutant to his feet and they stumbled inside.
"RAAIID!!" roared Al at the crowd. The room scattered. Wasters and ghoulds threw themselves under tables and mutants and nightkins grabbed tables. Now I'm sorry about making everyone leave their weapons at the door! Al thought angrily. The marching became louder by the second until a large, metal-armored human appeared in the door way brandishing a giant, multi-barreled mini-gun. An amplified voice blared out from behind its mask.
"We are the Brotherhood of Steel," the voice boomed. "We are here to cleanse this filth and debauchery from the wasteland!" The barrel of the gun began to spin.
Darn it! thought Al, rage boiling up through his body. Swearers, cheats and now thieves! I've had enough of this!! With a great roar of fury he reached the roulette table in a singe bound across the room, ripped it from it's mount and threw it spinning across the casino floor. Just as the mini-gun began to spit fire, the table hit the soldier with such force that it decapitated him. A crimson gout of blood spurted into the air from the ragged neck-stump and twisted metal gorget and the body toppled to the floor.
Several other armored warriors came charging into the room weapons spewing projectiles and energy blasts and chaos reigned. High velocity rounds chewed up tables and the bar, bodies were tossed about limbless and headless and blood slicked the floor. Al picked up the first warrior's mini-gun and opened up on the warriors as they entered the room. Og had grabbed two of the soldiers and was rhythmically smashing their helmeted heads together. Isabella, still in stockings and make-up threw meaty-fisted punches pounding into the metal bodies, denting armor and rupturing organs underneath. Even Marigold had wrestled a fallen warrior's helmet off and was choking him with her three-pronged tongue.
The battle raged for several minutes more until all of the steel-plated warriors lay dead, along with numerous wasters and ghouls and even several super mutants. Al surveyed the destruction and groaned. This was definitely his worst day in business.
* * *
Three weeks later, Al was open for business again. Outside, sitting on the eaves above the now repaired, albeit slightly dented steel door, was a steel armored body. Fairy lights were strung around the head and neck and down onto a sign the body had wired between it's two gauntlets. It read:
WELCOME TO BIG AL'S CASINO
NO SWEARING
NO CHEATING
and
NO BROTHERHOOD OF STEAL!!
Comments
I lost it.
It would be best to add warnings to blogs as well due to the fact that some readers who follow our work do so by reading the latest blogs rather than navigate through the TOC. That way they circumnavigate the warning.