How death gave me insight

• Posted by Witschas November 8, 2011 - 921 views

  After my mother's death I believe something changed inside of me. I was torn apart and desperate with the question as to WHY she had deserved to die. She was the most kind person one could imagine, and she always did what she could to help others and yet she never asked for anything in return. So I decided to observe the world to find a meaning with life. I eavesdropped as many conversations as I possibly could, and I did my best to understand what I heard. I soon came to the realization that there is no such thing as good or evil. By listening to all kinds of people I noticed that any story had an alternative version, and that sometimes two men would call each other evil or bad individuals - which taught me that no person consider himself evil by nature. The terms good and evil do not describe a person's true nature - it all depends on the eyes that see.

  And so slowly my anger and frustrations turned to understanding, and I decided that my life was wasted on destructive feelings as hate, envy and jealousy. I came at peace with myself and accepted my cast in life. I was a beggar and a thief, and I decided to do what I could to fulfill my mother's dying wish - that I would become a good and honorable man - at least in my own eyes.

  Now, it is limited what a beggar and thief can do that is truly honorable, but I found great joy in helping the poor with a similar fate to my own. Whenever I stole, I shared with others. Whenever I convinced a nobleman to spare a coin I spent it on things that I could use to help those in need. I lived a good, humble life, where I shared the joys and sorrows of the poor. I even learned from them, as I was taught about certain herbs and roots from a woman, who knew how to cure common diseases and how to recuperate faster.

  And I was thoroughly happy for the ten years it lasted until the incident with Ulfgar, where my life suddenly developed in a haste which make me feel twice as old as I really am. And it all started when I was taken to my own execution.