Wasteland Recipes Vol 1

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    Sitting on top of an explosives crate, you find a stack of papers held together with bits of yarn. It’s a recipe book!

     

    Curious, you leaf through it.

     

     

     

    Got sick of eating salisbury steak all the friggin time. Made these recipes. Plenty of food out there, you just got to get creative.

     

    Mutt Skewers

     blood bug probocs needles

    Mutt meat

    trash can

    Stuff that burns easy

     

    What you do is get a bunch of blood bug needle-noses (like eight, or how many you want). Then get some dog meat. Best way to get dogs is to find a wounded cat, stick it in a box in the junkyard and wait. Or raw meat (less scratches that way).

     

    Got your mutt meat? Good. Burn off the hair and dead skin, then skewer it with the needles.

     

    Then get a trash can. Not one of those little rocketships, get a barrel. Put shit you can burn inside (not real shit), light it, then put the skewers on top.

     

    Cook until it starts smelling good. Turn em over halfway through.

     

    Nuka-Cake

     fancy lad snack cakes (4 boxes)

    mentats (berry or orange is good)

    nuka-cola cherry

    A lotta sugar

    Ammo box

     

    I got your desserts covered. This one’s a real treat. Get some boxes of fancy lad snack cakes. Open all the boxes, mash up all the cakes and put it in the ammo box. Build a fire around the box. Not too hot or too big. Wait for cake to bake.

     

    Put out the fire. Then, dump sugar into the nuka-cola until it turns into syrup. Poke holes in the cake. Pour the syrup over the cake so it soaks in. Put mentats on top.

     

    Enjoy.

     

    Oh, don’t use ammo box afterward. Cake sticks to the bottom.

     

     

    Mole rat Nuggets

     1 shotgun + shells (10 unless you’re a bad shot)

    2 mole rats

    metal pan

    mirelurk eggs

    fancy lad snack cakes (1 box)

     

    Got a shotgun? Of course you do. Go find some mole rats. Kill em as fast as you can. After they are dead, start shooting lots of chunks off the mole rats. These are your nuggets. Collect them all (don’t worry about the dirt) in a metal pan.

     

    Set the snack cakes out until they get stale. Mash em into crumbs.

     

    Crack open the eggs into a bowl. Dip the mole rat in the egg, then roll the nuggets in the snack cake crumbs.

     

    Cook on a stove (or trash can lid). Make sure you turn them over so they cook on both sides. You’ll know by the smell when they’re done.

     

    Rad Stew

    radstag meat

    radroach meat

    radscorpion meat

    vegetable starch

    carrots (as many as you want)

    radaway (2 packs)

    dirty water (5 cartons)

     

    Pour all the water in as big a pot you can find with the vegetable. Put the radstag meat in first. Then radscorpion meat (NO STINGERS), then radroach meat. Cut up some carrots, put those in too. Wait for it to start boiling. Then when the meat starts smellin good, put in two packs of radaway. Thickens the stew broth real nice and NO RADS!! I’m such a friggin genius.

     

    Cat Fish Surprise

    Dirty water (4 cartons)

    Fish (or something with fins)

    Mirelurk eggs (2 eggs)

    Seaweed

    lots of salt

    cat meat (SECRET INGREDIENT)

     

    Dump it in a big pot, don’t forget the salt. If you can’t find fish, use mirelurk meat. They smell like fish. Put in some cat to improve the taste. Boil it until the meat looks cooked enough. Goes best with nuka-quantum (don’t put it in, just drink it).

     

    Keep a shotgun close by. For some reason ferals like the smell.

     

    You can put some in a bowl and use it to catch more cats if you want.

     

     

     

    Congrats! You’ve unlocked the Perk: What Did I Just Eat? More cooking recipes available.

     

    Recipe cover made by me (Spottedfawn), using the font Crayon Hand from dafont.com, and a molerat from some Fallout 4 concept art.

     

    I know this technically isn't a book for Skyrim or a terminal for Fallout, I just really really wanted to do a magazine!

Comments

9 Comments   |   Amornar and 9 others like this.
  • The Wing
    The Wing   ·  September 14
    I was cringing through every single one. :P Oh my God, smashing up all the Fancy Lad Snack Cakes... Dumping sugar into Nuka Cherry... Leaving out snack cakes until they get stale... It's amazing how the human race is so smart but individual humans are jus...  more
    • SpottedFawn
      SpottedFawn
      The Wing
      The Wing
      The Wing
      I was cringing through every single one. :P Oh my God, smashing up all the Fancy Lad Snack Cakes... Dumping sugar into Nuka Cherry... Leaving out snack cakes until they get stale... It's amazing how the human race is so smart but individual humans are jus...  more
        ·  September 14
      xD Which is worse, death-by-bad-cooking, or death-by-super-mutant?
      • The Wing
        The Wing
        SpottedFawn
        SpottedFawn
        SpottedFawn
        xD Which is worse, death-by-bad-cooking, or death-by-super-mutant?
          ·  September 14
        100% death by bad cooking. :-O
  • MaddMannatee
    MaddMannatee   ·  September 2
    Made my day XD
  • Mottyskills
    Mottyskills   ·  August 30
    this is fantastic
  • Sotek
    Sotek   ·  August 27
    Haha  this is great. Nothing like adding a bit of spice to the blogs. 
    I'll be sure to add this to the event. 
    • SpottedFawn
      SpottedFawn
      Sotek
      Sotek
      Sotek
      Haha  this is great. Nothing like adding a bit of spice to the blogs. 
      I'll be sure to add this to the event. 
        ·  August 27
      Thanks Sotek!
  • Paws
    Paws   ·  August 26
    Rad Stew sound delicious, I do like a bit of scorpion and roach with my stag :D The picture looks great, and the humour throughout leaves me smiling :)
  • Amornar
    Amornar   ·  August 26
    Haha this is awesome!