Some of the wording gives Xian that ‘god like’ aspect. Have a quick look at this part as an example…
At the mention of the Reachmen the driver visibly flinched. “R-right. Sorry.”
“Just keep the horse moving and your eyes. I’ll keep you two from harm.”
“You sure?” His voice was on the point of going shrill. The voice whinnied her own opinion, seemingly agreeing with its driver.
Here's my amended version. It gives away some of Xian's power making him less 'god like'.
At the mention of the Reachmen the driver visibly flinched. “R-right. Sorry.”
“Just keep the horse and your eyes moving .”
“You’re right” His voice was on the point of going shrill. The voice whinnied her own opinion, seemingly agreeing with its driver.
Now you don't have Xian being in the power place of protector, thereby weakening him, in the eyes of the reader. The actual benefit here is that it don't actualy affect him just the perception.
Some of the wording gives Xian that ‘god like’ aspect. Have a quick look at this part as an example…
At the mention of the Reachmen the driver visibly flinched. “R-right. Sorry.”
“Just keep the horse moving and your eyes. I’ll keep you two from harm.”
“You sure?” His voice was on the point of going shrill. The voice whinnied her own opinion, seemingly agreeing with its driver.
Here's my amended version. It gives away some of Xian's power making him less 'god like'.
At the mention of the Reachmen the driver visibly flinched. “R-right. Sorry.”
“Just keep the horse and your eyes moving .”
“You’re right” His voice was on the point of going shrill. The voice whinnied her own opinion, seemingly agreeing with its driver.
Now you don't have Xian being in the power place of protector, thereby weakening him, in the eyes of the reader. The actual benefit here is that it don't actualy affect him just the perception.