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Unofficial Writing Group

Tags: #Writing  #Writing Group  #Writing Circle 
  • Member
    November 9, 2018
    Go ahead. :D Though I've discontinued writing the story, I still don't mind hearing some feedback.
  • Member
    November 9, 2018

    This is just the perliminary stuff. I'll need some time to properly go over Chapter by Chapter. Also would you rather I post this here or at the ToC?

     

    General Critique:

    The Silver Fox uses a 1st Person Narrative, which to be clear is not my preference but I do acknowledge that it has its uses – it lets the character’s voice to enrich the narration which the Silver Fox uses. What this means is that it can ‘cheat’ the fundamental adage of storytelling, ‘show don’t tell’ by cheekily filtering the ‘tells’ as the character’s voice and honestly, its good here. It doesn’t drag the pacing of the plot down as the story is cramming more info down my throat – it’s the character whose descriptions who is letting me know who they are; they’re perspectives and the like.

     

    But if there is one main thing I have to criticise on the narrative itself: it’s that there are too many italics which makes the narrative feel ‘tell-y’ like the story is saying ‘Hey, focus on this!’. Italics every now and then it’s fine but too many and it might as well italicise everything.

     

    Side criticism of the narration are the multiple 1st Person POVs. My problem with this is that when I’m immersed into the mind of a character, the jarring switch yanks me out of the story and it makes me remember that I am reading a story instead of living it out through the eyes of the character.

     

    The prose of The Silver Fox works with me: simple and clean. Because of my job and personality, I like to be straightforward about things without beating around the bush. When a character describes things, they describes it in character but the narration does not linger too much on it before moving on; so the pacing keeps on breathing.

     

    On the plot, I feel lied to by the prologue. For me a good prologue should: set the atmosphere for the story, give me key information (Where is the setting?/What is the story about?) without info dumping and give me an idea on what the plot is. What the prologue promised me is that I will be reading a story of a down-on-his-luck thief making his fortunes a foreign land. And for the first few chapters that is what I got… until the plot mixes with a pseudo-Dragonborn storyline and the mage, Elise’ involvement with the Thieves’ Guild.

     

    I’m conflicted about the Elise chapters. The character herself is an interesting enough for me to care about her story. On the other, her chapters kill the overall pacing of The Silver Fox which until hers seemed to focus on the exploits of Renartus. Then come Chapter 3 and there isn’t much of an explanation on what is her relevance to story until Chapter 7.

     

    The Renartus and Katlynn Chapters for the most part have a smooth and pretty easy to follow pace to it. The Elise Chapters seem to bounce around for a bit, going back and forth on what I assume was the ‘present’ timeline (Chapter 3) and then a ‘future’ timeline (Chapter 6) but not really because it’s a time skip.

     

    On characters other than having to shift between them, the characters works for me. They have distinctive voices, are proactive and they’re well, funny so that’s always fun to read.

     

    Nit Picks (or crap only I care about):

    Dossiers are fine as a writer, it helps us/me keep track of fundamental points of a character so I can keep them consistent. Showing them to the audience… to me it’s just a big tell for the reader to have an expectation on who and what that character is. I prefer to let the reader well, read the story and then have their own interpretation on who that character is.

     

    The cloudy background strains my eyes a bit when I was reading.

     

    I hope you find this critique helpful. Any aspect of The Silver Fox in specific you would like for me to look into?

  • Member
    November 9, 2018

    You have some valid points.

    Back then, the prologue was supposed to show a down-trodden (former) thief starting a new life in Riften, not a make a new fortune. However, reading it again now, I guess I can understand where you're coming from given how there's multiple mentions of the Thieves' Guild.

    As of now, due to reading a lot of writer's tips, I've become rather skeptical in starting a story with a prologue, unless it has a direct effect on the plot.

    Honestly, I feel like I mishandled the Elise chapters in terms of placement within the story. I only realized this weeks later after I discontinued the story and read through a few writing tips. I wanted to introduce Elise then have her meet up with Renartus, and Katlynn, but the way I framed it does indeed kill the overall pacing. I should've put her chapters one after the other after the Helgen chapter so that it resembled like a proper arc.

    I'm glad you like that each character feels different, that was one of the reasons why I decided to use 1st person narrative. 3rd person narrative... not so much.

    BTW any suggestions on what type of background I should use so that it wouldn't strain any of the readers' eyes?

  • Member
    November 9, 2018

    I personally don't mind prologues and more specifically, I don't mind The Silver Fox's prologue. It tells me that: who the protagonist is, it lets me know the genre of the story (Fantasy with the giants and mammoths) and the setting of the story (A place called Skyrim). Also I appreciate the opening line:

     

    'A soft bump on the road awakened me from my sleep'

     

    My knowledge of TES made me snicker a bit (I assume it's not a prisoner intro joke) but if I was reading it as a story on its own, this opening line gives me the impression that the point-of-view character was travelling for a long time. It gives me the impression that the POVC has seen quite a few things before the story begins, giving implied depth and history - making them feel alive to me. But yeah, with the length of The Silver Fox I don't think it needs a prologue. Just put that as Chapter 1 and it's righto.

     

    I prefer 3rd Limited because it lets me hide things and I feel more... intimate? with the character.

     

    I personally find the default black on white is good enough but that's just me. You might want to ask around for a consensus.

     

    Also where do you get your writer's tips? I primarily get mine from Writing Excuses

     

  • Member
    November 17, 2018

    I'm rather interested in this writing group! Though my writing is taking me away from Elder Scrolls fanfiction, I am nearly finished sharing Frost Moon with the vault, so feedback would be appreciated! 

     

    Another Writing Excuses fan here, I'd like to contribute a handful of resources to the list as well. :)

     

    How To Train Your Internal Editor

    Youtube video by fellow Writing Excuses podcaster Mary Robinette Kowal, which talks specifically about using critique groups and feedback to train your inner editor!

     

    Helping Writers Become Authors

    Huge plethora of writing resources and helpful articles from K. M. Weiland. I believe guest speakers are also included.

     

    Dan Wells' Seven Point Story Structure

    One of my favorite resources. From another Writing Excuses podcaster, this really helped break the plot down for me in a way I could really understand.

     

    Something to keep in mind though, for anyone participating, is that most of us have never been part of a critique group. This is going to be a little touch-and-go, and we're both training ourselves as a group as well as training ourselves individually with the group feedback. Let's be patient with ourselves and each other. And, as always, respectful or else this idea won't work at all.

     

    I have personally taken a creative writing class where critiquing was part of the curriculum, so I am a little familiar with how this works. I will likely still make mistakes, but I'll try my best not to step on any toes. I swear to give as fair and helpful a critique as I possibly can.

  • Member
    November 17, 2018

    Stealing the links and welcome aboard. Also it doesn't have to be TES related but it'd be easier considering the site.

     

    EDIT: Also anything specific you'd like us to look at with Frost Moon?

  • Member
    November 17, 2018

    The Snowflake Method from Randy Ingermanson helped me bunches. There’s a book that illustrates it in story format on Amazon, and it’s cheap. And he’s got a great blog. I also have the Snowflake software, and love it. 

     

    https://www.advancedfictionwriting.com/articles/snowflake-method/

  • Member
    November 19, 2018

    Delta said:

    Stealing the links and welcome aboard. Also it doesn't have to be TES related but it'd be easier considering the site.

     

    EDIT: Also anything specific you'd like us to look at with Frost Moon?

     

    At this point, I'd be happy with any constructive criticism offered. Some issues with the story I'm likely already aware of, but there's a big chance someone will notice something I've missed. I feel the least confident about my fight scenes, so help with that would be appreciated!

    Other then that? Just the general stuff like pacing, character voice, and if the story drags in the middle somewhere.

     

    What are you hoping to get out of a critique of Song of the Faithful?

  • Member
    November 19, 2018

    @ilanisilver: Stealin'

     

    @SpottedFawn: I'll keep that in mind.

     

    What do I hope? Just general feedback on SoTF as a story, I am using it to cut my teeth so might as well have an idea on where I'm at at the moment. Main problem with using SoTF as a whole is that the writing widly differs from when I'm writing it but I generally want a measurement of the more modern stuff.

     

    But if I were to be a bit more specific, I'd go for character, dialogue, and prose.

     

    EDIT: On Legend of the Skaal, I'll get the perliminary review of the Unblooded Act by Friday/Saturday.

  • Member
    November 19, 2018
    Funny thing about the writers’ resources, even the one I use - I don’t like any of their fiction, any of their novels. I find their tips amazingly useful. But I’ve tried to read their books, and just, wow. For some of them, it’s probably just the content that’s not interesting to me, but even Brandon Sanderson, who’s pretty much universally recognized as a great voice in fantasy, I have trouble getting engaged in his stories. Weird. So of course, when I think too much about things, which I do, I’m wondering if what I’m doing following their tips will net me a story I don’t like. I hope not.