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Tenebrous' Tamriel Travels #1

  • Member
    May 9, 2017

    So! This will be the place for my little walkthrough-things of Elder Scrolls Online! These will be pretty sarcastic and not at all serious, let me just say. This was inspired by DB's Modder's Logs project, which is really cool and you should check it out. Also, the Elder Scrolls anti-walkthroughs (of which Oblivion is undisputably the best) found at were good inspiration, too. So, without further ado...


    Mr. Tiger-Dude has impressive-ass muscles, let me just say.


    We begin with the tale of Rahzam-do, a chipper young Khajiit bloke who went and died. Bummer. But hey, we need to start the story somehow! Immediately upon character creation, I recieve mail. Curious, I open it, and...



    Yeeeah. Turns out the game sent some mail to my Pact Recruit character, and somehow the mail found itself with Rahzam. What really gets me is that the Pact sent a letter of commendation to a Dominion character who hasn't even broken out of Oblivion-prison yet. Which, for the record, has to suck. Not only are you in hell, you're in a prison-hell. Can't imagine how horrible the bathrooms would be. *shudder* Anyhoo! So it's very, very unlikely the Pact even knows, let alone cares, about this guy.


    At least the benches are comfy.



    So, as anyone who's played the game can tell you, you get rescued by a Nord named Lyris Titanborn, so named because one of her ancestors shagged a Giant, creatures whose reproductive organs easily dwarf humans'. I guess this is like Hagrid from Harry Potter in that you're really not supposed to figure out how this happened, but what the hell. So, off you go, grabbing a weapon and learning to sprint, until you see a Dremora! Oh noes! A Dremora that, thanks to being in the tutorial, dies in one hit. Clearly making it the crappiest Daedra of all time.


    Lyris is clearly scared of Dremora with one hit point.


    You continue along your merry path, killing more wussy Dremora, until you get contacted by Gandalf Dumbledore The Old Man from Scene 24 The Prophet, who tells you to rescue him so he can rescue you. Sure, why not. Then, you get to fight the first enemy actually worth your time, which is Vaekar the Forgemaster. Seeing how you have no skills yet, this is a good way to learn the combat mechanics. Also, Vaekar kills some guy by throwing him onto a spike, which is 100% BRUTAL.


    MadWorld, much?


    I think that'll do for this first entry. Tune in next time, where we'll finish the Tutorial and get to the actual adventure! Hopefully. Maybe. No promises.

  • May 9, 2017

    This is really fun Tenebrous. I think it's really interesting that your kind of...working in a playthrough here, or at least it feels a little like a combination of a Journal and a Walkthrough which is really cool. I'm looking forward to later entries Tenebrous, you've got a great combination of funny stuff and information that's just fun to read :D

  • Member
    May 9, 2017

    Thanks, DB! I was really inspired by the 'anti-walkthrough', which is comedy gold. Basically, the idea is me doing a walkthrough of ESO, except with an overdose of snark. Glad you liked the first bit!

  • Member
    May 10, 2017

    And off we go to continue our Tutorial quest! After killing Vaekar, you're really supposed to find and destroy a big ol' eyeball called a Sentinel, which Molag Bal uses to spy on everyone in Coldharbour like Big Brother. But really, I recommend ignoring that for a bit and going to slaughter some mooks. This is so that a) you can start leveling a skill line after the Vaekar fight, as well as any other skills you get, and b) so you can get some armor and weapons of your preferred type. Do this early in the morning, so that no one gets to the various random treasure chests littered about before you. Why Molly B. feels the need to store gear in highly-conspicuous treasure chests, I'll never know.


    Oooh, shiny.


    At the end of my loot run, I'd found a one-handed mace and some heavy gauntlets, which fit my idea of Rahzam being a Stamina tank. Note that it doesn't matter how protecting it is, wearing a single piece of armor helps improve that skill line. So yes, you can run around butt-naked except for a homespun sash, and you'll level your Light Armor. Nifty.


    When this one goes clubbing, he makes sure to pack some mace.


    When you finally get to the Sentinel, you'll notice it looks like a blue Eye of Sauron. Ignore this, because it's the game's excuse to teach you stealth. Tempting though it may be to wait until it's not looking and whack it, you need to crouch before approaching it. And then you whack it when it's not looking. Molly B's security leaves much to be desired.



    Then, now that Mr. Bal is blinded, head on over to the Prophet's cell. In theory, the Daedra being blind means you can just walk in and rescue him. But it turns out Molly is a bit more prepared than previously thought, and has installed a firewall on the cell door.


    And you thought I was joking.


    Next step is to find Cadwell, one of the cooler characters in the game IMO. Dude is crazy, but the nice kind of crazy, not the mother-in-law crazy. Also, his song when you first meet him is hilarious. Bonus points in that it's a parody of a Monty Python song; his voice actor was a member.


    Hottest mixtape of 2017


    Then, get past a Trivial lock (meaning it's actually impossible to fail picking it) and head to the Undercroft. This is a place full of 2spooky4me skeletons and a few more chests. Bash the skellys, loot the goodies, the usual. I got a cool sword and some metal pants as noteworthy loot. Then, you finally reach the Prophet's cell! But how do you get him out? Turns out the only way to free him is to have another prisoner take his place. Once again, Molly B. is a master of security. After the ritual, you finally meet the guy in person, and it turns out he seemingly has nothing to do with the Knights of the Nine character. Perhaps thankfully.


    Not Dumbledore, I swear.


    Then, go to a Dark Anchor portal, where Molly B. finally says 'Oh, hey, I should really stop these guys from getting out.' and pops up in person. He summons a giant skeletman, who is really easy to kill and drops a necklace. Then, nab the skyshard. Skyshards are cool; get three of them, and you get a free skill point. Also, the Prophet is surrounded by what I thought were butterflies, making me believe he was Sheogorath in disguise. (They're actually moths, tying into his Moth Priest backround)




    And that's that, really. You escape Coldharbour in a snazzy animation, and since I'm a Dominion player, I ended up in Khenarthi's Roost, which is a tropical island full of Khajiit. Sounds great to me! Anyhoo, tune in next time, where I will start to do actual quests. Fun times! Except of course for the people I murder.


  • Member
    May 10, 2017

    Right-o. So, in theory, the first thing you do upon waking up is go outside, talk to a Khajiit called Razum-dar, and commence your questing. However, in grand Elder Scrolls tradition, I tend to completely ignore his quest at first, or indeed any quest, so I can make myself some gear from scavenged materials. Which is what I did with Rahzam, making him a mace, shield, and most slots of heavy armor, missing only the helm (because who needs to protect their head, right?) and girdle.


    Also, the dye system is really fun.


    Once you do get to Razum-dar, he tells you to pass as a Dominion soldier (which is easy, considering nobody questions the claim), and assigns you the task of investigating the Shattered Shoals and Temple of the Mourning Springs, where pirates and undead have been sighted respectively. I went to Shattered Shoals, but got distracted by Khajiit monks training at a temple, mostly because it's lore-y and cool.



    It's the, Eye of the Tiger, it's the thrill of the fight! Rising up, to the challenge, of our rivaaaals!


    Once you get to Shattered Shoals, you find a wounded Marine, who was a victim of the massive hurricane that wrecked the Dominion fleet. She tells you to find 'glow-juice' (not drugs, I swear) to fix up her comrades. Techincally, the juice is optional, but it makes your life a helluva lot easier later, so get some before talking to the marines. Then, go to the cave to find the last marine... Only he's dead. Sacrificed, apparently. Also, there's a giant snake.


    A snaaaake, a snaaaaake, ooooh it's a snake...


    Find Sergeant Firion, who tells you to warn the soldiers at the nearby beached ship about possible cultist activity. Only they're not soldiers, they're privateers, and both parties seem to dislike each other. This is where the glow-juice hunt comes in handy, because, in a twist from normal ES questing, you can order the cured Marines to do the various tasks Oblan assigns you. Suitably impressed by you standing there and talking to Firion, he agrees to let you meet with the captain, Jimila, who is far nicer than him. She, in turn, sends you to Mastengwe, who I use a a recurring character in AotQ. Masten informs you that the aforementioned pirates are actually cultist pirates, who were responsible for the hurricane. Great. Also, they're Maormer, which is cool lore-ism.


    Here I am, rockin' like a hurricane!


    Anyways, go murder a Maormer and nab his lodestone, then free Suhr and Virkvild (more AotQ chars!). If the boss is alive, murder him too, he offers good experience. That said, usually other players get to him first. Also interesting to note that ESO characters are perfectly capable of swimming in plate armor.




    After, go back to Jimila, who decides you and the marines are cool and hands you a shield and some gold. I usually stick to self-made equipment, honestly, so I won't use the Broadhead Shield, except of course for destroying it for crafting XP. Finally, be sure to talk to her after turning in the quest; she offers some amusing commentary on the Altmer-Maormer feud.


    Sounds like a typical family reunion to me.


    That's all for this post! Thanks for reading.


  • Member
    May 10, 2017

    So! After the Shoals, I stopped by Laughing Moons Plantation and did the quest there. It's short, but fun; you get to become pest control. How do you control said pets? Thunderbugs, of course! *evil laughter*


    Now you shall witness the true power of the dark side!


    Anyways, then I headed to the Temple, where some Bosmer was looking for her master. Being the strong, heroic type, Rahzam agreed to help. And then... Skellytons.


    10/10 very spooky


    Turns out that yep, the temple is full of bone-dudes. To get inside the place, you need to disable two wards, which basically means running around to both ends of the courtyard. After, you're faced with a puzzle. It's pretty easy, just activate the first, third, fourth and second pillars in that order. Such a spectacular feat of logic, am I right? Then, you finally find the dude Gathwen was looking for, but, well... It's not him. It's some spirit that can posess people. But the real insult here is that he insulted my ears.


    Pretty sure this is a hangable crime in Elsewyr.


    Having earned his spot on Rahzam's List o' Death (trademarked), Uldor is now screwed. After bashing some more skeletmans, he shocks you and runs inside again. If you're quick, you can enter before him, which is fun. Then, Rurelion (the master) manages to expel Uldor from his body like yesterday's All-You-Can-Eat Buffet. Then, you must chat with him. He will say that Uldor can't be killed, but he can't posess the player character, so he offers himself to be trapped with Uldor. But then Gathwen shows up, wanting to take her master's place! I chose Rurelion anyways; Gathwen's young, Rurelion not so much. As he rightfully says, Gathwen has more time to accomplish stuff. Then, Rurelion goes to Uldor's tomb, and gives a shining example of BS.


    Uldor fails BS-detection 101


    That's pretty much it for him. Uldor will try to zap you while you restore his tomb, and then you hightail it out of there. Gathwen wants to save her master someday, but hands you the usual gold and a bow anyways. She also provides a portal out of the temple, which is nice of her. You'll notice that now, instead of skellys, the courtyard is full of grateful ghosts. Which honestly doesn't seem much better, but oh well. Actually, talk to some of the ghosts, their dialogue can be funny.


    When there's something strange... In your neighborhood...



    That's all for this post! Thanks for reading.


  • Member
    May 10, 2017

    I finally reached the city of Mistral! After the requisite chat with Raz, he will assign you another task: Go talk to the Silvenar. If you know any Bosmer lore, then this will be immensely cool. But, this playthrough, I got distracted...


    Very mysterious.


    There's a quest giver below the tavern? Turns out, this Alessio character is nowhere to be found. Strange. Anyhoo, after that, I headed to the Chancery, completely ignoring the pissed off Altmer to talk to the Silvenar. He's a nice guy, and tells you that he needs a copy of the treaty the Khajiit made with the Maormer. Unfortunately, its's a waste of time, because nobody will offer a copy. It is, however, the first real look we get at the Maormer. Score one for lore-accuracy!




    So, having failed, the Silvenar sends you back to Raz so you can steal the treaty. Yep, we're doing a heist. Now, there's a guard there, who needs to be... Dealt with. And shockingly, the answer isn't murder like 90% of Elder Scrolls. No, there's two options here: Forge a letter from his love interest, or spike his drink with moon sugar. I went for the drink. What's supposed to happen is that the guard falls asleep mid-stride, which is great. But my game bugged, so he just stood there.


    Clearly, he's tripping out right now. Tripping so bad he broke the game.


    So, bring the not-stolen-I-swear treaty back to the Silvenar... Aaaand he's dead. The Green Lady, his wife, goes utterly apeshit. Fleeing her insanity, we go to Harrani, who names us a Guard Deputy to investigate. This does absolutely nothing game-wise, but we get to investigate stuff. Like Sherlock Holmes, only a Khajiit. Sherlock Holmeow or somehthing. Then, go to the warehouse, and hide behind some crates, where some Maormer will leave a note. Tempting though it may be to knock her out for questioning, this will cause the objective to fail, so just let her run off and then nab the note.


    But gaaaame! I want to bash her head in with my mace!


    After that's done, go to the apothecary, where you'll find the ledger. And after that, head to the Maormer ship at the docks, where you'll meet a nasty captain who refuses to let you belowdecks. You could, theoretically, bribe her to let you in, but she really doesn't deserve your gold. Instead, nab the key off of a sleeping sailor, making sure to taunt her as you go.




    Stealth isn't needed at all, so just run through the ship, grab the crate of pirate stuff, and run back to Raz. Then, go to the Green Lady, who still really needs either a chill pill or psychological assistance. She'll lead you to an abandoned shack, where some Maormer's doing a ritual! Go ahead and poke the crystal to break the ritual, then listen as the assassin incriminates Ulondil. Then the Green Lady apparently rips out her soul, which is a bit harsh. Then, go to Ulondil and gang. Upon arrival, Ulondil tries to say the Dominion was responsible for killing their own diplomat, but our BS-ometers are more advanced than Uldor's. Also, we have proof. He promptly craps himself on realizing the Green Lady is still after him. It was at this point I fought in, and won, a random duel, and then my chat randomly failed.


    I got it working, though. Remember kids: Always congratulate your enemy in duels, even if you wrecked them.


    Harrani tells you to convince the Green Psycho to spare Ulondil. This actually isn't too hard, surprisingly, and the quest ends with Ulondil is custody and everyone happy! Except the Maormer are invading the city. Crap.


    That's all for this post! Thanks for reading.



  • Member
    May 10, 2017

    So, after running around Mistral with no combat, this next quest gives us our fill of skull-bashing. The Maormer have attacked the city, and it's up to us to stop them! Well, us and a companion. See, both Firion (the Marine from the Shoals) and Gathwen (the mage from the Temple) want to help. I took Gathwen, because why not. In the attacked area, called Cat's Eye Quay (confusingly pronounced 'Key', a fact parodied by the game itself later), you find two other Marines from the Shoals. Supposedly, Onglorn got injured and Edhelas is fixing him up, but it looks more like Onglorn had a wild night drinking. In the middle of a warzone. *shrug*




    After, you find the remaining Marine, Nistel, who went and died. Bummer. Then you find Mazar, who is totally not a skooma peddler, honest. He tells you about some secret tunnels, so that's where we go next! There, we see Ealcil, who is a jerk we've seen previously. That said, he's kinda funny.


    "Is it safe to do the thing?" -Rahzam-do


    He has the idea of using a lodestone to dispel their magical whatnot, so go do that (it is actually safe, for the record). Then, he contacts you, saying the cultist pirates have summoned a storm atronach, which they're planning to use as a tactical nuke basically. Obviously, we have to stop them, though Ealcil does have a smart idea.



    Then, just run around and dispel more magicka whatsit to prematurely detonate the Daedra nuke, which somehow makes it far less powerful. Of course, it'll still blow up, so once that's done, Razum-dar will pop up and yell at you to run and escape. But Gathwen apparently didn't hear, because she casually walks away.


    "Chill out. It's not like it'll explode or anything." -Gathwen


    Then, you reunite with pretty much everyone from the Khenarthi's Roost questline, and Raz gives you a greatsword called Storm-Slave's Razor, indicating that storm atronachs need to shave like everyone else. He also tells you to go to Auridon... But we're done with the Roost, are we?


    No. No we are not.


    That's all for this post! Thanks for reading.

  • Member
    May 11, 2017

    So, my first order of business after dealing with the invasion was deciding that the population of sheep on the Roost could use some culling. Cue the stabbings.


    The Stabbening has begun, there is no escape.


    Somehow, I avoided being caught in all of this, so I proceeded to quest around the island, starting with the rather depressing Speckled Shell Plantation quest. It's doubly depressing if you implicate the family in skooma-dealing to the officer (who, it is worthy to note, is the only Thalmor official on the island who doubts your 'Dominion soldier' story). To avoid this, first choose the [Lie] option, then question the Thalmor as to why she's harassing an "innocent" family. She'll get out, and leave behind the most lazy Dominion soldier on the Roost.


    Who cares about drug deals? It's nap time.


    Then, I headed to Hazak's Hollow, which is a cool little quest. The gist of it is that a widow asks you to rescue his son, who wanted to avenge his father, from bandits. Turns out though, the bandit leader is the father, and both mother and son are actually badass monks. After helping them out, I set forth to the final quest location, completely ignoring the annoying ghost quest-giver. See, in my experience, it's only worthwhile to do quests tied to an area, as opposed to 'random' ones. So, if you don't see 'X Location Objective' pop up on taking a quest, I'd say abandon it.


    Also, the ghost is supremely annoying. To the point that it's parodied in-game.


    Then, I decided to try and find M'aiq the Liar, who is still an amusing source of Easter Egg-y comments. Hell, the devs added an achievement for finding him in all the zones. Sadly, I didn't find him this time, though I did find a treasure chest, which helped with my unending sorrow.




    The remaining quest on the Roost (Windcatcher Plantation) is pretty boring, so I'm not going into detail on it. Tune in next time, where we go to Auridon!


    That's all for this post! Thanks for reading.

  • Member
    May 11, 2017

    After dealing with the situation on Khenarthi's Roost, Raz tells you to go to Auridon and talk to the Watch Captain, to warn the Queen (who's visiting) about the Fish Sea Elves, or Maormer. But, as soon as you arrive at the main city, Vulkhel Guard, a sudden interruption appears! Turns out the Prophet woke up in Vulkhel Guard, and rather than rent a room at an inn or something, decided a cave would be a great place to live in. Also, he's apparently been doing absolutely nothing until you get there, which is rather worrisome in regards to his mental health.


    He's definitely gone senile. Poor bloke.


    Anyhoo, pop by the Harborage to begin the Main Quest (note that each Alliance has it's own Harborage). Upon arrival, two things struck me as odd even by Prophet standards. First off, he has fishing poles and fish about, presumably what he eats. But where do these fish come from? He's in a cave! Even more alarming, he can supposedly recognize you by your footsteps. After spending maybe a few minutes with you as you escaped Coldharbour.




    After this, he says he spouts some crap about knowing the past to know the destination. Both Rahzam and I know full well he's giving us a history lesson.


    Bloody hell, I play video games to escape the reality of school!


    Anyhoo, using his magical whatsit, the Prophet makes you trip out to relive the past. Though why he decided to place his memories in Coldharbour when they clearly didn't happen there, I'll never know. Worthy of note is that you apparently become a ghost in the memories.


    I'm blue, da ba dee da ba die...


    The Prophet introduces you to the Five Companions, who have nothing to do with Ysgramor. Basically, after claiming Emperorhood, an Imperial named Varen Aquilarious decided he wanted the lost Amulet of Kings, because why the hell not. He gathered his closest friends to look for it: Lyris Titanborn, the nice warrior lady with questionable heritage, Sai Sahan, a Redguard swordmaster we know nothing about (we see him later), Abnur Tharn, who in fact is a part of the same family as Jagarn (that said, he remains a good guy... Kind of.). And Mannimarco. Yes, the Worm King, the first lich, the super-necromancer. How did he fall in with this lot!? Needless to say, he's actually a bad guy, and the ritual he suggested actually tore the barrier between Nirn and Oblivion, allowing our old friend Molly B. to invade Tamriel. Because apparently they're in cahoots.


    Top Ten Anime Twists (2017)


    After this, the Prophet basically says we need to stop Molly, and gives you a ring and a skill point for... Listening, I guess. Worthy of note: Originally, you would only get the Main Quest parts every five levels. They changed that, so now as soon as you get back to the city, you'll get the next quest. For better pacing, I'll stick with the original idea, meaning I'll take up the next Main Quest at level 10 (I was level 7 as of this writing). Now, to get to that Watch Captain...


    That's all for this post! Thanks for reading.