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Sorry, Y’all

  • March 25, 2018

    I'm glad to hear it got resolved and I'm somewhat hoping I haven't contributed to that, or that I could have stop it when we talked. Wasn't sure if I don't have a big target on my back now, so when I noticed the chapters being gone I sent the Long-Chapper your way, just in case. Really glad it got resolved :)

  • March 25, 2018

    Loopdiss said:

    [

    Ah yes, I've seen this picture. Somewhat similar to your situation, I deleted my story, because I felt like my writings were too boring for someone to read when they could instead be reading something from an actual good author, such as yourself.

     

    I'm relatively new here, and compared to all you long time writers, builders, etc. I'm practically just a child, but I want to be able to contribute more to this community, so if there's anything I can do to help let me know. 

     

     

    ilanisilver said:

    well, I’m obviously the last person to tell you not to do that, since I just did it. But i will say that I read somewhere, I think it was an author’s blog, that your stories are always boring and predictable to you because you are the one writing them. And you know every twist and turn. No one else does, though. So maybe it’s not boring to them? 

     

    And thank you. What you’re saying really does help, so there you go. And if you ever want someone to bounce ideas off of, I’ll definitely read or listen. :)

     

     

    While I appreciate the offer, I think more to do is the last thing you need on your chest right now. You just take care of what you need to, and I hope it all works out well.

  • Member
    March 25, 2018

    Karver the Lorc said:

    I'm glad to hear it got resolved and I'm somewhat hoping I haven't contributed to that, or that I could have stop it when we talked. Wasn't sure if I don't have a big target on my back now, so when I noticed the chapters being gone I sent the Long-Chapper your way, just in case. Really glad it got resolved :)

     

    could have sworn I responded to this last night. But no, you didn’t know. I didn’t even know until I was in it, and then it’s like I’m a different person. It’s weird. 

     

    And then once it was done, I thought maybe it was for the best, for the reasons we’d talked about. And I’m still thinking. But I’m glad you noticed something was off. 

  • Member
    March 25, 2018

    Hey ilanisilver, I'm so sorry to hear about the panic attacks. I have GAD (General Anxiety Disorder) so i know exactly what you mean when you say it's like being a different person. It can really knock a person down for the count, and stomp all over their self-esteem. I regret not reading more of A Good Man Goes To War when I had the chance. :/

    I quite enjoyed the story from Farkas' point of view, and I thought your writing style had an elegant flow, particularly with the Paarth chapter.

    As you said, what's done is done, and the best thing now is to focus on one's mental health. :) Then if you feel like sharing your work with us again, you'll be in a better state of mind. I know we'll always jump at the chance to read another one of your stories, I certainly will.

     

    Take care, and don't be too hard on yourself for the panic attack or your writing. Punishing ourselves for our feelings only keeps us down, it doesn't build towards anything positive.

     

     

  • Member
    March 25, 2018

    SpottedFawn said:

    Hey ilanisilver, I'm so sorry to hear about the panic attacks. I have GAD (General Anxiety Disorder) so i know exactly what you mean when you say it's like being a different person. It can really knock a person down for the count, and stomp all over their self-esteem. I regret not reading more of A Good Man Goes To War when I had the chance. :/

    I quite enjoyed the story from Farkas' point of view, and I thought your writing style had an elegant flow, particularly with the Paarth chapter.

    As you said, what's done is done, and the best thing now is to focus on one's mental health. :) Then if you feel like sharing your work with us again, you'll be in a better state of mind. I know we'll always jump at the chance to read another one of your stories, I certainly will.

     

    Take care, and don't be too hard on yourself for the panic attack or your writing. Punishing ourselves for our feelings only keeps us down, it doesn't build towards anything positive.

     

     

     

    i’m sorry you know what I’m talking about. Anxiety is a bitch. My therapist says my head goes into flight or fight mode way too often, and also, since my life is always up in the air and uncertain, it reacts to certain things that way because it can’t react to the things that really warrant such a response. If that makes any sense. Usually I can ground myself before it really kicks in. 

     

    Anyway, luckily I left the work up on AO3, so I’ll probably just pull a PDF off the site when/if I’m ready to reload. it’s not as nice as individual blogs, but i think it’ll work. This week, though, yeah, I’m working on getting my shit together. 

     

    And thanks!! :)

  • Member
    March 28, 2018

    Sorry to hear about this, Ilani. I've deleted things in the past, and I know many folks here have. It's a hard thing to go through, to sort of blow up all your work like that. Sometimes I read my work and something in me just cringes and it feels really hard to not delete it. I haven't contributed much to TSC, but I've still agonized over other creative works both on site and off and know how sometimes pouring yourself into your work leaves you feeling a little more empty. As far as comparing yourself goes, I know it's easier said than done, but just... don't. Or, at least try not to. It's something I try really hard to make myself remember. That saying "comparison is the thief of joy," is something that always resonated with me and I try to keep in mind when I'm writing, drawing, or just browsing social media. 

    Just know you aren't alone in feeling that way. I totally get feeling self conscious and know what it feels like to sort of fold in on yourself and want to do nothing but listen to sad music in the dark. I'm really sorry to hear about the possible move, your parents, and I really hope that things work out so that you can stay closer to home. 

    I'm glad you're feeling past that point though, and like you're coming out the other side. :)

  • March 28, 2018

    People go through stuff all the time. Glad you're feeling better, Ilani. I hope I wasn't too violent on Skype. I fully admit I Orc-smacked her several times and yes, I said "Gah" like what? Twice or three times. And one time was even in caps. I didn't throw empty bottlse of wine at her though, so that's progress for me. :D

    I'd like to say, however, overall, I'd like to discourage deletion, no matter how cringeworthy we feel we are and lord knows I have read my own shit and shuddered with absolutely horror that it's still up here. But I don't delete it, instead, I edit, because yes, writing should live and breathe and we grow as people as we write.  :D

    I understand that we post for our pleasure and stuff like that and therefore we dictate and have freedom over this ultimately. That being said, we post and people do read what we post. Whether they write ooodles of meaningful comments extolling your awesomeness as a writer (hehehe, we all wish), give a simple comment of encouragement, a simple like, or even just lurk in the shadows unseen, people still read our stuff. We may not know it, but they do. For a moment, I'd like people to consider, before they delete, the altruistic aspect of creation, the sharing aspect of it. Yes, creation brings you joy, but reading creation also does the same. When you delete, however, you are perhaps robbing that person of their joy, no? 

  • Member
    March 28, 2018

    I’ve thought a while as to whether I should respond to your last posts, Edana and Lis, because my response might make me sound like this super arrogant prick. Or maybe just a human being. Probably both. But, even when I’m reading the very first things I ever wrote, they don’t make me cringe. Yes, I edit, because I can see where I didn’t do things right at the start, and now I know better. But I don’t dislike my stories. I fucking love them. They’re like my kids. I mean, I have a kid, and no, it’s not the same. But still. It’s like something I love, that I’ve painstakingly created. And when I read them, I love them even more.

     

    My problem comes not when I write or when I read other peoples’ works. I can read anything without comparing it to mine. My problem comes when I compare stats and comments. I try not to, but it’s just right there in my face, you know? So it’s hard to ignore it. So, here I am posting something I love more than just about anything else in the world, and I’m suddenly hit by other peoples’ disregard. And it’s the disregard that matters, not the criticism. I actually enjoy the criticism. It’s the people who see the summary and choose to pass it over. Or people who read the first chapter and don’t continue. That’s just bloody fucking heartbreaking. And I know, subjectivity, personal preference, reading too much at once, yada yada yada. But still.

     

    And I have accounts on FFN and AO3, but it’s almost worse here, because I talk to you guys. The other sites are really distant. A comment here, a comment there, but it’s not like a community, like it is here. So that almost makes things worse. I wasn’t just going to delete my works, I was a second or two away from messaging Edana and asking her to please delete my account. And I was going to do the same with my other accounts, and just write for me. That way, I’d just write. I’d just write what I love and not have to worry about people who see it and choose not to read it. And that way, if it really did suck ass, I’d just not know it. And maybe that would be better. I don’t know. I still don’t know. I’m trying to get over the hypersensitivity, and trying, when I read other peoples’ works, to hit “next chapter” without reading the comments. It’s really hard. But maybe one day I’ll get there. And maybe one day I’ll be able to post and honestly have that awesome attitude that you see in that one Craig Ferguson meme. You know, the one that says something like , “I’d like people to like what I do. But fuck ‘em if they don’t.” That’s the dream, there. :)

     

    Edit: my point here wasn’t to compel people to read and just complain about comments, but to convey how absolutely ridiculous it is to worry about that sort of thing, and how I felt that since i was worrying about it so much, it must be unhealthy, so maybe deleting stories and not worrying about comments would be healthier for me. Since i like what I write, why isn’t that enough? Basically, that. 

  • Member
    July 28, 2018

    Awwwooo Ilanisilver

    Silver... Yeeesh I have issues with silver....

    I have to apollogise for not being here in march when you had such a hard time but I am glad to see some of your work here in T.S.C. It's too late for me to comment but I'm going to in the simple hope that I might catch someone else who feel as you did. Who felt as we have at one point or another.

    Let's focus one one main point if I may be so bold. We are writers, we create and we all pour our hearts and souls into our stories. For us, our characters are real people. We share in their sorrows and shed tears wit them. We cheer when something goes right and cringe when it goes wrong. I cannot think of a single person here on this site who doesn't feel that way with their stories.

    I've read a lot of stories here and talked to a lot of writers. Everything you felt, we all felt too.

    When I posted my first chapter I was so exited and filled with eagerness to recieve feedback. Like you, I had written for myself but also for my wife. She is how I started writing about Skyrim in the first place. In fact, I had written well over 200 chapters to my story before I came across this site.

    Short story is, I got blasted...

    It took me a good few months before I had the guts to post my second chapter. That was a very difficult thing for me to do. It's been over three years and I still remember how I felt when I clicked 'post'.

    Yet in 2018 my story is still going strong, my grammer is stil as awful as ever and I still have dedicated followers who eagerly point out my grammer and spelling mistakes. (Thanks to everyone in the past and to Ebonslayer who is my current saftey net).

    Tamriel Vault is a strong, friendly and supportive community and it is one I believe in. Attitudes have changed from those years ago and progression of the site has been remarkable yet there are times when even us hosts get things wrong.

    I am a firm believer in T.S.C. being open to any and every writer regardless of skill or writing capability. I know I am one of the lowest here but with that comes the thrill of seeing myself and others develop their writing skills. Sometimes we do feel under valued but that simply isn't the case. The worst thing in teh world is an empty page and T.S.C. is dedicated in filling them with the help of th eolder members but just as much as the newer members.

    We've even various discussions where members of all levels can go and seek out advice and help with their stories.

    I am not a believer in'you like my work and I will like your's'. I am a believer in giving encouragement and helping others grow. As they grow then so do I. By reading other writers works I get to know them better and I increase my own word skills. You just need to read my first chapter and compare it to a later chapter to see the difference I have made in my own writing.

    To anyone else who feels like this...

    Two things I think are very important. First off, don't comapre your work to other writers here. If you really want to, compare it to my first two chapters.

    Now you've done that and you are feeling better.... Point two.

    Reading blogs takes time. Time is an investment. Take the time to read a few of other peoples blogs and you will find it will help with your own writing. If you need to or even just want to, comment in one of our discussions and mention a problem you are having with your own story. there's always peopel who are willing to help and lend support.

    Once again I am sorry for not being here in March.

    At least you still have work here and you are still active on the site. I have seen too many members quickly loose heart and leave. it's a terrible shame when that happens.


    If you need to reach out, you know where T.S.C. is. There's always someone about to give a friendly paw.

    Sotek Loyal Hound of Hircine