The Story Corner » Discussions


TSC Blog Editing and Assistance Thread

  • Member
    August 9, 2016

    If you have a Blog Post you wish to have a Member of The Story Corner to proof read before you post it, or even if you have just a few paragraphs which you aren't sure about, then you can post them here.

    All you need to do is either:

    1. Post the excract or the blog post you would like someone to have a look at as a reply to this thread.

    2. Add a link from Google Doc's

    We all help each other so feel free to comment on someone else’s work as well.

    Just remember everyone; make criticism useful and don’t take criticism to heart.

    Lissette Long-chapper
    Sotek Loyal Hound Of Hircine

     

  • Member
    September 7, 2016
    A question I've never asked: can you post unfinished work here? Finally got into my writing groove again, but I don't have anything complete yet.
  • Member
    September 10, 2016

    Awwwooo

    Hello Tenebrous

    To be honest we aren't set up for uncompleted blog posts. Your best bet is to just keep working away it untill it's ready for posting. It don't matter if the chapter takes a few days or a few weeks. We'll be here to read it...

    Sotek Loyal hound Of Hircine

  • Member
    September 10, 2016

    Alrighty! Thanks for letting me know.

  • Member
    September 30, 2016

    Greetings fine members of the Story Corner, I'm currently wondering if I could get some thoughts on my latest piece of unfinished writing. Mainly on the way I'm describing things, just keep in mind that this it's barely 600 words long at the moment  :D 

    The sun had long ago set and yet light and noise was still streaming out from within the Bannered Mare. Those passers-by who were drawn to their beds after another long do of work, were each tempted to stray from their course by the sound of the music that cut through the din.

    The latest stragglers to be charmed by the music; some of which had made the first step towards the inn, were snapped back to their senses at the sight of an elderly man in the orange robes of a priest storming towards them. Despite his age he was moving surprisingly fast and it took only moments for the closest of them to make out who he was.

    Raising his hand in greeting he called out to the priest, “Andurs! It’s good to see you up and out of that crypt, how about joining us for a drink?”

    Andurs didn’t even seem to notice the greeting, instead just storming past on his way towards the Bannered Mare. Having been ignored, the straggler looked around at his companions who were all grinning at his confusion. Stepping forward one of them gripped his shoulder, “Come on, it’d be best to be out of earshot before Andurs gets started”.

    ****

    Standing in the centre of the Bannered Mare’s common room, just beside the fire was a slender woman draped in a black robe and hooded shawl. Under the hood sat a bone white beaked mask that obscured her face from the nose up, and what little skin that could be seen identified her as being a High Elf. Her hands seemed to almost caress the lute from which music was pouring forth filling the room. The most striking thing about her was that she was flanked by a pair of skeletons with blood coated iron warhammers strapped to their backs, and their eyes pulsing with forbidden magic.

    While it would have been normal for the patrons of the inn to cower in fear before her or to run her out of the city, they instead sat either listening to the music of her lute or going about their business with only the occasional curious look in her direction.

    The sound of talk and the clatter of cutlery against plates that pervaded the room transformed into a sudden silence at the sound of the inn’s main door smashing open. The only sound that could be heard as the patrons turned to see who had just entered the inn, was the music of the woman’s lute as she had not even missed a note at the sudden intrusion. Standing just inside the threshold of the inn was an elderly man most recognised as the city’s resident priest of Arkay. Everyone in the room knew instantly why he was here and quite a few moved as though to make a quick escape before realising there was no way to do so without drawing attention to themselves.

    Catching sight of his prey Andurs stormed through the room to stand directly before the woman, as he came to a stop her skeletal guards moved in union to ready their warhammers. Without stopping her playing the woman shook her head to signal her them to stand down, and then turned to face Andurs.

    Before she could say anything he burst out in anger, “How dare you bring these abominations into this city! How dare you desecrate the bones of the dead for your own ends! I don’t care if you really are the Dragonborn or Whiterun’s only Thane, you have no right to defile the dead”.

  • Member
    September 30, 2016

    Ohhh for howling out loud, sorry GF I kind of got carried away.

    All in all I liked what you have here. Now I have made some tweaks here and there but some of it is just because this is how I write. I do appologize for my over zealous edits. Have a read through and see what parts you like compared to your origional piece. 

    Sotek Loyal Hound of Hircine.

     

    The sun had long ago set and yet the steps of the Bannered Mare were coated in the soft reddish glow of the fire within as its light escaped through a crack from the bottom of the doorway. Cheering and song mingled with mindless chatter, forming an incomprehensible noise which streamed outside. Those passers-by who were drawn to their beds after another long day of work, were each tempted to stray from their course by the sound of the music that somehow managed to keep in tune as it cut its way through the din.

     

    The latest stragglers to be charmed by the music; some of which had already made the first step towards the inn, were snapped back to their senses at the sight of an elderly man in the orange robes of a priest storming towards them. Despite his age he was moving surprisingly fast and it took only moments for the closest of them to make out who he was.

     

    Raising his hand in greeting he called out to the priest.

    “Andurs! It’s good to see you up and out of that crypt. How about joining us for a drink?”

     

    Andurs didn’t even seem to notice the greeting, instead he just stormed past them on his way towards the Bannered Mare. Having been ignored, the straggler looked around at his companions who were all grinning at his confusion. Stepping forward, one of them gripped his shoulder.

    “Come on, it’d be best to be out of earshot before Andurs gets started”.

     

    ****

     

    Standing in the centre of the Bannered Mare’s common room, just beside the fire was a slender woman draped in a black robe and hooded shawl. Under the hood sat a bone white beaked mask that obscured her face from the nose up and what little skin that could be seen identified her as being a High Elf. Her hands seemed to almost caress the lute from which music was pouring forth filling the room. The most striking thing about her was that she was flanked by a pair of skeletons with blood coated iron warhammers strapped to their backs. Both of them had eyes which pierced any mans soul should he even dare look at them as their eye sockets were filled with pulsing forbidden magic.

     

    While it would have been normal for the patrons of the inn to cower in fear before the High Elf or to run her out of the city, if they had the courage to do so, they instead sat either listening to the music of her lute or going about their business with only the occasional curious look in her direction.

     

    The sound of talk and the clatter of cutlery against plates that pervaded the room transformed into a sudden silence at the sound of the inn’s main door flying open. The only sound that could be heard as the patrons turned to see who had just entered the inn, was the music of the woman’s lute as she had not even missed a note at the sudden intrusion. Standing just inside the threshold of the inn was an elderly man most recognised as the city’s resident priest of Arkay. Everyone in the room knew instantly why he was here and quite a few moved as though to make a quick escape before realising there was no way to do so without drawing attention to themselves.

     

    Catching sight of his prey Andurs stormed through the room to stand directly before the woman, as he came to a stop her skeletal guards moved in union to ready their warhammers. Without stopping her playing the woman shook her head to signal her them to stand down, and then turned to face the priest.

     

    Before she could say anything, he burst out in anger.

    “How dare you bring these abominations into this city! How dare you desecrate the bones of the dead for your own ends! I don’t care if you really are the Dragonborn or Whiterun’s only Thane, you have no right to defile the dead”.

  • Member
    September 30, 2016

    Hallo! Here we are with Part 15 of Agents of the Queen, featuring Elereth's attempts to find a cure for her affliction, lots of conversation and a somehwhat, er, suggestive scene (Don't worry, I kept it SFW)! Please take a look when you guys can. Thanks! (Also, I can't attach files to comments on SE!? Dang.)

     

    Curing the Incurable

     

    Ian S. McClure

     

    The night breeze blew throughout Auridon, soft and cool. I stared at our meager fire, and at the resting forms of Suhr, Lilinastre and the boy Verolias. I myself could not sleep on this night—my dreams had taken me back to that horrible place of torture and misery. In truth, I had only told a half-truth to Lili, when she asked if I remembered Coldharbour. For when I slept, my mind wandered through memories of the cold, terrible realm of Molag Bal. And that, combined with worry over Elereth, was sufficient to prevent my rest.

     

    To say I was worried about my Bosmeri partner would be an understatement. Her newly-acquired vampiric nature had begun to change her during our trek back to Vulkhel Guard—she had grown colder, more aloof. Moreover, though she still expressed desire to be rid of this affliction, I knew that she had begun to enjoy slaughtering the wildlife and drinking their blood—her crimson eyes told much more than her tongue, in this case. I looked at her then, off in the distance—for she no longer stayed close to us. She was, at the moment, draining the corpse of a parrot she'd shot. I knew it was necessary for her to 'eat' so, for we had discovered that foregoing this meant she would be harmed by sunlight, and her mind would come ever closer to succumbing to the bloodlust. I just didn't like it one bit.

     

      But I believed that, even as an unholy monster, Elereth was, deep down, still herself. I just needed to find the Bosmer I had fallen in love with again, and bring her to the surface. With a final glance at the rest of the group, I rose, as silent as I could in plate armor, and walked over to her. It was not long before Elereth's gaze turned to me.

     

    “What do you want, Ardolan?” she asked cooly, dropping the limp parrot corpse.

     

    “To talk.” I replied simply.

     

    She snorted. “About? Not much to say, besides what we all know. I'm a vampire, and we need to go to Vulkhel Guard to see if Mastengwe can cure this supposedly-incurable sickness. Or is there something else?”

     

    I frowned a bit. “Well, I want to talk about how you're holding up.”. I hesitated, before adding, “You've gotten... different, since Ondil. I just want to know if—“.

     

    Here, I was interrupted by a small chuckle from Elereth. “You want to know if I'm a threat, now.”

     

    “What? No, Elereth, no.” I said, surprised. “I trust you. I just...” I sighed, before continuing: “You're acting strange, lately, and I'm worried.”

     

    “Worried? About a vampire? Right, sure.” she replied testily.

     

    Here, I grabbed her shoulder. “Elereth, this isn't your fault, or your choice. I know this, and that's why I'm—all of us, actually—are helping you. We'll find Mastengwe, and everything will be back to normal.”

     

    “But what if it's not?” she asked in a low voice. “What if there really is no cure, and I'm stuck as an immortal, blood-sucking—thing?”

     

    I was silent for a stretch of time. “Then I will make sure that you remember your time with me.” I finally said, with a soft smile. “Elereth, you've been a valuable friend to me—by the Stars, more than that, and you know it. Even if you must remain a vampire, I am sure you will not lost sight of yourself, like so many before you. That's why I stayed to help you—I love you.”

     

    Elereth rolled her eyes, then broke into a wide grin—the first in many nights. “Have I mentioned how sweet you are?” she asked, her voice losing a bit of the chill.

     

    I did not answer. Instead, I hugged her, still smiling. Eventually, she broke the embrace. “You should get some sleep, Ardolan. I've… fed enough that the sun won't bother me. We'll leave at first light.” I returned to the camp then, and found that, indeed, sleep finally came to me.

     

     

    The next day, early in the morning, we resumed our trek to the city. I studied my companions as we walked—Suhr was, as usual, nervous, casting glances at every shadow, with a clawed hand on the lead of the panther Kismet. Lilinastre was content, contemplating the beauty of Auridon as she hummed a song unfamiliar to me. Elereth was, seemingly, more herself than she had been of late, though it was a tad difficult to tell. However, it was Verolias who caught the bulk of my attention, now. The boy walked, despite his youth, with a surprisingly grim, serious demeanor, not even playing with Lili when she offered. Curious, I moved next to him, even as we continued with our walking.

     

    “How're you holding up, Verolias?” I asked politely.

     

    His boyish face remained impassive. “I'm managing. Hearing about how you killed Aluvus was… Well, it was a bit tough. Even if Father really died years ago. And I'm worried about Elereth.”

     

    I nodded, lowering my voice a bit. “Ah. Well, losing a loved one is always difficult. And, suffice to say, you're not the only one worried about her. But Elereth is still herself, don't worry.”

     

    “If you say so.” the boy said, wary. He was silent for a long while, until he finally began talking anew: “Ardolan. What's going to happen to me when I reach Vulkhel Guard?”

     

    I hummed. “Well, I won't lie. Living as a youth without parents is not easy… My recommendation is to find work, something you're good at, and earn your coin like that.”

     

    “Where would I find work, though?” he replied. “Nobody will hire a child… I mean, I've always wanted to work at an inn, I guess, but—“

     

    Here, Lili interrupted, joining us as we walked. “Well, I know a woman in Vulkhel, who owns the tavern in town. Salted Wings. I could put in a good word for you, if you like.”

     

    Verolias smiled. “Oh! I'd like that. Thank you!”

     

    I smiled as well, then walked a bit further with my sister. “You really think Oinara will hire him?” I asked, lowering my voice again.

     

    “Yeah, sure. She's a nice person, and she's always looking to hire folk. Tried to hire me, actually.” Lili said casually.

     

    “Well, we're close to the city, now.” I said. “We won't have to wait long to see what happens, with him and with Elereth.”

     

    By midday, we arrived at the arch that served as gateway to Vulkhel Guard. The group split up, then—Lili went with Verolias to the Salted Wings, to talk to Oinara about employing the youth, Suhr took the drowsy Kismet to the stables, and I accompanied Elereth, who wore a hood in addition to her normal leather armor, to find Mastengwe. We decided to check in with the Mages Guild, seeing as how the Altmer sailor was a member of the institution, and see if she was there.

     

    Curinure smiled politely as he saw us approach. “Ah, Ardolan, Elereth. Scintillating to see you two again. May I inquire as to the purpose of this visit? I very much doubt it is an idle diversion.”

     

    I smiled in turn. “Ah, yes Magister. We're looking for Mastengwe again. It's a rather urgent matter—would you know where she is?”

     

    “Alas, she's not on the island anymore. Left for Valenwood—Greenshade, I believe—two days ago for some research.” the mer said.

     

    “Ah.” I said simply, casting a glance at Elereth. She looked utterly crushed, but soon composed herself somewhat. “Well… We'll make do. Thanks.” Quickly, we left the guildhall.

     

     

    That night, we slept at the tavern again. Elereth was composed throughout the day, maintaining a stony face as we met with Suhr and Lili, but she broke down when we entered the room. She began to sob, rocking back and forth on the bed. I said nothing. Rather, I sat down next to her, placing a hand on her in an attempt to console her. I myself was quite distressed. Without Mastengwe… How could she be rid of this horrid affliction?

     

    For an hour, Elereth cried, until her tears ran dry. Eventually, she managed to choke out, “Ardolan… I-I can't stay with you all. I'm a danger...”

     

    “You are a danger only to our enemies, Elereth.” I said calmly, breaking my silence.

     

    “You are a danger only to our enemies, Elereth.” I said calmly, breaking my silence.

     

    “That's crap, and you know it.” she replied, her voice cracking. “You can't travel around with a vampire. It's too dangerous.”

     

    “I am no stranger to peril.” I replied in turn. “And if it means that you're happy, I would storm Coldharbour and duel Molag Bal himself. You must stay strong, Elereth. This does not define you.”

     

    She sighed shakily, putting her face in her hands. Just then, Suhr and Lilinastre entered the room. “There is good news. Oinara has hired Verolias.” Suhr said with a soft smile.

     

    “See?” I told Elereth. “There is always a light to be found, even in such stifling darkness.”

     

    Lili rolled her eyes. “A bit too poetic, Ardolan. Still, he's right, Elereth—you can't just focus on the bad stuff.”

     

    “But it's my fault!” Elereth suddenly said. “I was the one that got captured, that couldn't fight off Aluvus' servants.”

     

    “Elereth—” I began to say, but she held up her hand.

     

    “Enough. I'll… I'll just have to live with this, I guess... Since you all seem fine with it, I'll stick around.” she said, sullen.

     

    I smiled. “Remember that you don't have to deal with this problem alone, Elereth. I will stand by you.”

     

    “Aye. This one as well.” Suhr said.

     

    “Don't forget me. I'm staying too.” Lili added.

     

    Elereth looked at all of us, and sighed a little. “Thank you, all of you. I'll do my best to live up to what you think I am...”

     

    I nodded. I then looked outside, where night had well and truly fallen. “Well. We should get some rest—we have to head for Mathiisen at first light, and that's rather far from here. We've kept Razum-dar waiting for a while, so it's best we pick up the pace.”

     

    “Aye.” Suhr said. “Who's getting the bed?”

     

    “I vote Elereth.” Lili piped up. “I think she needs it more than us.”

     

    “Agreed, agreed.” Suhr replied, smiling at Elereth again.

     

    “No, it's—it's fine. I'm getting another room.” she said, looking at the floor. “Ardolan, could we talk there, in private?”

     

    I blinked, but replied, “Of course, Elereth.”

     

     

    We got into the room, removing our respective armors to sleep in the clothes underneath. When I finished storing the heavy suit, I looked at Elereth. Even with her bloodied eyes and pallid skin, she was quite attractive out of her armor. Finally, I said: “So. What did you want to talk about, Elereth?”

     

    She sighed, turning to me. “I want to know something...”. She sat down on the bed. “You've stood by me, even as I became a… Well, a monster. You're still my friend, and that means a lot to me. But… I'd understand, if you wanted to break our relationship off. I'm not really attractive anymore, and, no matter what you say, I'm dangerous.” She sighed, before continuing: “I just want to know if there's still a spark, there.”

     

    “Depends.” I said, with a slight grin, sitting next to her. “Do you still have the spark of which you speak?”

     

    “What?” she asked, surprised. “I mean—yes, of course. But, I'd understand if you wanted to—”

     

    “Then there's your answer.” I interrupted.

     

    There was a brief silence, before Elereth broke into a wide smile. “Again, you're so sweet. How many times can I mention that?” Saying that, she grabbed my head, pulling me in for a kiss. I kissed back for a while, before breaking off.

     

    “You know… We are alone in a tavern, like you wanted earlier...” I said, with a slight smirk.

     

    She flashed a coy grin. "Oh, you scamp." she said coquettishly, before kissing me again, climbing onto me as she did, and… Needless to say, I received little sleep this night.

     

    Well, I believe that will suffice for this entry. Until next I write…

     

    -Ardolan Larethbinder

  • Member
    October 1, 2016

    Awwwooo 

    Hello Tenebrous. 

    I've found a few errors which I'll point out for you.

    The night breeze blew throughout Auridon, soft and cool. I stared at our meagre fire, and at the resting forms of Suhr, Lilinastre and the boy Verolias.

    I'm not sure what you are meaning here:

    “What do you want, Ardolan?” she asked cooly, dropping the limp parrot corpse.

    Coolly =  serenely, tranquilly?

    I think, taking the next line in context, you mean coldly. 

    A double period here, just aquick fix, nothing major. 

    I frowned a bit.

    “Well, I want to talk about how you're holding up.”. I hesitated, before adding, “You've gotten... different, since Ondil. I just want to know if—“.

    You have a double line here.

    For an hour, Elereth cried, until her tears ran dry. Eventually, she managed to choke out, “Ardolan… I-I can't stay with you all. I'm a danger...”

     

    “You are a danger only to our enemies, Elereth.” I said calmly, breaking my silence.

     

    “You are a danger only to our enemies, Elereth.” I said calmly, breaking my silence.

     

    “That's crap, and you know it.” she replied, her voice cracking. “You can't travel around with a vampire. It's too dangerous.”

    Now this part is down to the writer themselves so this may not need changing at all.

    “Then there's your answer.” I interrupted.

     

    There was a brief silence, before Elereth broke into a wide smile. “Again, you're so sweet. How many times can I mention that?” Saying that, she grabbed my head, pulling me in for a kiss. I kissed back for a while, before breaking off.

     

    “You know… We are alone in a tavern, like you wanted earlier...” I said, with a slight smirk.

    I'm not one for making females weak because they happen to be females. I let the situation determine who is weak and in need of confort. It strikes me here that it is Elereth who is feeling vulnerable and in need of support.

    This in mind I would personaly switch their roles.

    “Then there's your answer.” I interrupted.

    There was a brief silence, before Elereth forced a timid smile as if she doubted every word I had said.  In a hushed whisper she looked up at me and spoke.

    “Again, you're so sweet. How many times can I mention that?”

    I reached out and pulled her torwards me and lovingly kissed her on the lips. She returned the passion I held, shattering all doubts of my affection towards her before we both broke away from eachother. 

    “You know… We are alone in a tavern, like you wanted earlier...” I said, with a slight smirk.

    Don't think you have to go with this or even change it. All I want to do is get you to see things from another angle here. The way I write, I see Elereth as being in a weak position (hating herself for what she had become, feeling alone and unsure) so it would be Ardolan who would make the move. 

     

    Apart from these minor points I really enjoyed this. Nice work Tenebrous. I look forwards to seeing this get posted.

    Sotek Loyal Hound of Hircine

     

  • Member
    October 1, 2016

    Huh. Good point on the ending. Was never my intention to show women as inherently weak. I believe I'll go with your idea anyways, I feel it flows better than mine. Thanks a million, Sotek!

  • Member
    October 2, 2016

    Hallo! Here we are with Part 16 of Agents of the Queen, featuring a Redguard smith, an investigation into the leadership of Mathiisen, and hilariously hammy acting from Ardolan! Please take a look when you guys can. Thanks! (For the record, this is a bit longer than usual)

     

    A Veil Over Mathiisen


    Ian S. McClure


    “Ah, hello friends!” Razum-dar said as my group arrived, his customary grin on his face. “This one was just thinking of you all. Don't be alarmed—Raz threat-assesses all new assets to the Eyes, yes?”


    I blinked, before clearing my throat. Despite the fact that we didn't find Mastengwe, and hence could not cure her vampirism, Elereth seemed to have regained most of her former spirits, and after about a week of travel, we had arrived at the town of Mathiisen without incident. I said, “Razum-dar, hello. We were sent by Battlereeve Urcelmo about two weeks ago, but we had… delays. What's the situation here?”


    Raz nodded. “Good, good. You are focused, yes. We are here to investigate, to right wrongs. And maybe—just maybe—slit some throats. We'll see how the day goes. Are you aware of Mathiisen's importance?”


    Lilinastre hummed. “It's a major smithing town. Supplies most of the First Marines with arms and armor, right?” she asked.


    “Indeed.” Razum-dar replied. “But not just the Marines, it seems. Anarchists as well… Raz believes the town is vital to the leadership of the Veiled Heritance. And so, we must loosen their grip upon the town.”


    I nodded. “Just tell us what to do.”


    “Here is the plan. We split up.” Razum-dar explained, growing a bit more serious. “You, Ardolan, and a companion of your choosing will meet with agent Fistalle, at her home. Another will join Raz in scouting the town, searching for possible Heritance members. And one will pose as a merchant, to blend in with the people and hear what they say.” He looked at my group. “Be warned, all of you. Even without the idiot racists of the insurgents, Mathiisen is known for not tolerating outsiders. This one suggests those not of Altmeri stock to keep a low profile, and avoid talking to the High Elves when possible. We do not wish to cause a problem… Yet.”


    “Alright, sounds good.” I said, turning to look at my group. “Lilinastre, you're coming with me. It's less suspicious to see two Altmer walking around than an Altmer and an outsider, and we can fall back on our noble status if necessary. Elereth, go with Razum-dar—you're the best of us at stealth. And that leaves Suhr to be the merchant.”


    “Very well.” Suhr said, petting the senche-panther at his side. “Kismet and this one will do it. Suhr could use new daggers, anyhow.”


    “Excellent.” Elereth said, rubbing her hands. “Shall we begin?”



    Lili and I walked through the town, trying to act as natural as possible. As predicted, our golden skin allowed us to escape the bulk of the scrutiny. The sole exception was a Redguard, a smith judging by his clothes, with an aged, bearded face. He approached, seeming suspicious. “Excuse me. May I be so rude as to ask your business here?” he asked, polite despite the narrowed eyes.


    “Ah, yes. We've just arrived.” Lili said, with a believably cheerful tone. “We're visiting an old friend, my brother and I. Speaking of which, do you know where Fistalle lives?”


    Suddenly, the Redguard relaxed. “Ah, the Bosmer lass? It's that house, just over there.” he said, signaling. “I must admit, you two struck me as being the snobbish type. Maybe it's your gear. Most Altmer here are, no offense. But I know Fistalle, she's alright. Not many of your folk would befriend a Wood Elf like her.”


    I was surprised by his honesty, but pleased nonetheless. “Yes, that's true.” I said with a chuckle. I hesitated, weighing my options, before asking: “Oh, by the way, what's the word around town? I fancy myself something of an adventurer, and I'd be happy to help with any, ah, problems the town might be having.”


    The man laughed. “Hah! Nothing you can help us with, I'm afraid. But thanks, that's awfully kind. I believe you two are the friendliest High Elves I've met on Auridon!”


    “How'd a Redguard get to work in Mathiisen, if you don't mind me asking?” Lili inquired.


    Suddenly, a stern-looking Altmer appeared, walking quickly towards us. “Ah, that's a tale for another time. I've taken too much of yours already. If you need me for some reason, name's Khavas.” the smith said kindly, before turning to the Altmer. “Condalin, I'll be right there, give me a moment.”


    “You'd better. And why are you bothering your betters? Get back to work.” he said angrily, before leaving. Khavas shrugged, then followed.


    I watched them go. “That Condalin fellow. You think he's Heritance?” Lili asked in a low voice.


    “Maybe. No way to tell, yet.” I replied, equally low. “Come on, we have to find Fistalle.”


    My armor clinked as I walked to the agent's front door, and knocked. “Hello, Fistalle? We'd like to talk to you.” I called out, trying not to sound threatening. Still, there was no answer. “Hello?” I repeated, knocking again.


    “Ardolan.” Lili suddenly said, sounding grave. “Window's broken.” I looked, and saw that indeed, there was a shattered window. Quickly, I tried the door, which opened without effort. Inside was the Bosmer woman—dead on the floor.


    “Stars!” I said, rushing over and examining the corpse. “But—why was the window broken? They could've entered through the door.”


    “It's a message.” Lili said, sounding a bit disturbed by Fistalle's corpse. “The Heritance is here, all right.”


    I crouched, picking up a note from her hand and reading it. It read: “One day, a great big kitty with a tawny hide was playing with a little bag. The cat poked his head into the bag. He was a very nosy, hungry cat. He was hoping to find food in the bag. Instead, he found two rats hiding inside! One of them had a blade, and its' head was covered in silk. The other wore a veil, and hissed in annoyance. The cat realized that the only way he could get these rat out of the bag was to let in more light. Under the light, the rats would be forced to fight or flee.”


    Lili hummed, reading the message over our shoulder. “It's a code of some sort. Raz would know. Let's find him.” she said.



    We didn't have to look long before Elereth found us, and led us to a nearby river. There, Raz was sitting on a rock, clearly awaiting our arrival. “Ah, hello again. How's Fistalle? Raz must admit, her laugh is quite charming.” he said.


    I sighed, running a hand through my hair. “She's dead, Razum-dar.”


    That was the first time I saw Razum-dar become completely serious since the murder of the Silvenar, as the smile slipped from his face, and his eyes filled with grief. He sighed, and said: “Dead? Dark Moons. Damn these racist fanatics! Was there anything unusual in her house?”


    “Yeah, she had a note.” Lili said, handing it over.


    “Huh. Can't make heads or tails out of this.” Elereth said, reading it with Raz.


    Suddenly, he chuckled softly. “Even in death, she laughs at this one. Clever girl. She's telling us who she suspected. She mentions a rat with a blade—perhaps she referred to Condalin, who owns the smithy here.”


    “We met him. Kind of. Unpleasant fellow, to be sure.” Lili said.


    “Search the forge at the far end of town. Perhaps there we will find answers. And find Suhr as well, see what he has found.” Raz said, before looking to Elereth. “You, little one, should go with them. Raz can handle the rest by himself.”


    “Let's go, then.” Elereth said, as she followed us to find Suhr. He was at the market, sitting next to Kismet. “Hail there.” he said, grumpy. “Few wished to speak to this one, on account of being Khajiit. Suhr has learned nothing as a result.”


    “It's fine, don't worry about it. Come on, we're investigating the smithy.” I said.


    Suhr nodded, rising to his feet. He looked to Kismet, and said some words in his native tongue. The panther calmly laid down, clearly waiting for us to finish our business as we walked away.


    “I'm still not certain how one goes about training a panther.” Elereth said, impressed.


    Suhr snorted. “Many are things Khajiit know, that others do not.”


    “I guess. Still damn impressive.” Elereth replied, before growing serious again. We had arrived at the door leading to the smithy. Warily, we entered the forge area. Strangely, the place was vacant—not a soul to be found. I looked everywhere, analyzing every shadow, every nook where a Heritance assassin could be waiting.


    Suddenly, Lili picked up a scrap of paper, and quickly read it. “Stars, Raz was right. Heritance is here—they're forcing the workers to forge weapons for them. The canonreeve and Condalin are involved! This is bad—the town's leaders are both under the Veil. We have to report this to Raz, he'll know what to do.” she said.


    I nodded—before the sound of a fight reached our ears. I drew my sword, and heard my companions likewise draw their weapons, and ran to the source of the commotion. It was an Altmer, clothed in the black armor of the Heritance and wielding a mace, dueling with none other than Khavas! The Redguard was wielding a scimitar, with surprising finesse and skill, deftly dodging the deadly blows. Elereth notched an arrow, aiming for the Altmer as he swung at Khavas, and fired. As the arrow went through his neck and he collapsed, Khavas saw us. “By the Gods, nice shot!” he said, sheathing his blade. “I thought I was done for.”


    “Why were you attacked by the Heritance?” Lili asked, sounding equal parts amazed and terrified.


    “Probably because I've been doing some digging, myself. I may not hold loyalty to your Queen, but I still like to do the right thing. And the Heritance are a bunch of crazies. Besides, they've been assholes to me.” he said, wiping the sweat from his brow. “We should get back to the town proper—I'm sure this mer wasn't alone.”


    I nodded. “Aye. You coming with us?”


    “No. I should return to the smithy before I'm missed. Also need to hide this bloke's body. But I'll be seeing you all around.” he said, before dragging the corpse away.


    “Interesting fellow.” Suhr muttered. “But he was right. We should not linger.”



    “What news, friends?” Razum-dar asked, as we got to the meeting spot.


    “It's bad, Raz.” Elereth said. “The canonreeve is with the Veiled Heritance, as is the forgemaster.”


    Razum-dar hummed thoughtfully. “Wouldn't have suspected Malanie—the canonreeve, that is… Explains something, too.”


    “Explains what?” Lili asked, curious.


    “A guard has been posted in front of her house. Bit unusual, yes? This one would ask one of you to get inside.” he explained.


    “How do you suggest we get in?” I asked.


    “There is kindlepitch in a warehouse nearby. Very flammable. Make a fire, and one of you can slip inside. Anything you find, bring to Raz.” he said.


    “Very well. Elereth, can you get inside?” I asked, turning to my Bosmer companion.


    “Yeah. Should be easy, provided the distraction works.” she said, shrugging.


    “Leave that to me. A good fireball works wonders with kindlepitch.” Lili said confidently.


    “Then that's that. Suhr and I will wait here for your return. Auri-El keep you safe, both of you.” I said. And with that, they were off.


    It was not long before we heard shouting. “Fire on the deck! Someone get some water!” a voice cried out. Indeed, smoke could be seen, rising from nearby Malanie's house. After another ten minutes or so, Elereth and Lilinastre returned.


    “We have more evidence.” Elereth said, showing us a Heritance uniform. “This was in one of the canonreeve's drawers.”


    “Then it is time.” Raz said, nodding. “Time for us to step out of the shadows, and into the light. The town's corruption ends tonight.”


    “And I suppose you have a plan?” Elereth asked.


    Razum-dar chuckled. “This one does. But Ardolan in particular won't like it.”


    “What? Why not? And why me?” I asked quickly.


    “You see, the town leadership is in the barracks, preparing for… Something, Raz does not know what. You are known to them, for killing Astanya. You must go in there, make a big ruckus. And then, they will capture and imprison you.” I opened my mouth to protest, but Raz continued: “You see, they know we're here. You strut in, acting like a foolish hero, they'll let their guard down. Then, the rest of us swoop in, rescue you, and we strike!”


    “I admit—grudgingly—the plan makes sense… Fine. For the Queen.” I said, resigned.


    “Don't worry, Ardolan. We'll spring you quickly.” Lili said, trying to reassure me.


    I grunted, before saying: “Well. Best get on with it, then.”



    “You don't look like you belong here.” the guard said, stern.


    I smiled internally. Might as well have a bit of fun with the situation. Exaggerating my voice, I proudly proclaimed: “Hah! I may go wherever I please, my good sir! For I am a sworn agent of the Queen! Nay—a hero, of near mythic proportions! I have business with your canonreeve—allow me to pass, or suffer the wrath of the Dominion!”


    The guard blinked. “… Uh-huh. Er—sure, why not, go on in.” Saying that, he stepped aside, still with a bewildered face.


    I strutted into the building, surprising Malanie and Condalin. “Excuse me, traveler. We're a bit busy here.” the canonreeve said, frowning. “If we could talk some other—“


    “Scoundrels! Ruffians! Malcontents! On behalf of Her Glorious Majesty, Queen Ayrenn, I have arrived to arrest the lot of you for high treason!” I said, drawing my sword for added effect.


    There was a sudden silence. “Treason? Are—are you mad?” Malanie asked, quirking a brow.


    “Mad? Hah! You are the mad ones! I have discovered evidence that you scum have aligned with the Veiled Heritance! And therefore, you shall be sent to the stocks, and shall receive your trials! Nothing can stop the justice of our glorious Alliance!” I continued. I'll be damned—this was fun.


    “You little fool.” Malanie suddenly spat. “Ayrenn has betrayed us! She should be the one accused of treason—against the Altmeri people! You cannot stop the Veiled Queen!”


    “That is what you believe, traitorous worms! But the glory of the Dominion will outlast any mere—“ I was interrupted, then, by a hard thud in the back of my head. The deliberate omission of my helm meant I was knocked cold. The last thing I recall is both Malanie and Condalin simultaneously saying a simple word:


    “Idiot.”


    “I take it the plan worked.” I said, as Suhr opened my cell door.


    “It worked too well. I was crying, I was laughing so hard!” Lili said.


    “Wait, you were all watching? Damn.” I said, shrugging. Then, I grew serious. “How are things in Mathiisen at the moment?”


    “The Veil has been lifted—the Heritance openly patrols the streets. Get ready for a fight” Razum-dar said, handing me my sword and shield.


    “Orders?” Elereth asked, inspecting her bow.


    “Condalin and Malanie must both die. Raz recommends we split up again. Three take on Condalin, three take on Malanie, and the town is saved.”


    “Wait a moment. That makes six, but there's only five of us.” I asked confused.


    “Wrong, my boy.” Khavas said, emerging from the shadows. He was dressed in hide armor, and was now armed with a greatsword of Redguard design. “Your friends let me join in on the fun.”


    I blinked, then nodded. “Well, gods know we could use the help… Alright. Khavas, Raz, with me. Lili, Suhr, go with Elereth. We'll fight the canonreeve, while the other group takes on the forgemaster.”


    “A good plan. Raz is eager to see how you fight.” Raz said. “Let's go. Time is wasting.” I could barely hear him add, in a low whisper, “For Fistalle.”



    “You are under arrest, Malanie! Surrender and live.” Razum-dar cried, as our group faced her, weapons drawn. She was apparently a mage, for she had a staff.


    She snorted. “More hollow theatrics? You Dominion lackeys are all the same—all bark and no bite. This is why we need the Veiled Queen leading us!” Saying this, she fired a volley of spells at us! We dodged, and Khavas laughed.


    “Good! We could use the exercise!” he taunted.


    The battle was brutal. The canonreeve was an accomplished spell-slinger, and every wound we inflicted on her was healed in short order. Every slash, every stab, was negated by her healing. “Damn it! This isn't working!” I cried out, as yet another wound was magicked away.


    “This one has a plan! Distract her!” Raz cried, before rolling into the shadows and disappearing.


    “I'll cut your heart out!” Khavas cried, charging and swinging the greatsword wildly. Malanie lifted a ward just in time, smirking as the Redguard's wild assault bounced effortlessly off of the magical wall. She laughed then, cruelly. I charged her as well, hoping that Khavas and I combined could break through and inflict a fatal injury. It was then that she hit me with a bolt of solid ice.


    It hit my shoulder, and sent me flying. I landed in a heap, dropping my sword. I snarled wordlessly—my arm was no longer working correctly! Malanie aimed he staff at me, and channeled for another spell, clearly aiming to finish me off. I grunted, trying to scramble to my feet to dodge, but the spell never came. When I looked, Razum-dar had reappeared, and had slit the witch's throat.

     

    Khavas helped me to my feet. “Nasty wound.” he said grimly, inspecting my shoulder. “Don't know if it'll heal.”


    I sighed, and procured a soul gem from my pack. I focused, and drained the soul contained therein, which healed my shoulder. “Ah, that's better.” I said, relieved. I looked to Razum-dar. “That went well, didn't it?”


    “Raz wishes he could say that. Then he remembers Fistalle, and her parents…” he said, eyes briefly downcast. He sighed, then smiled. “But that is unimportant. Your friends approach, and they seem to have survived without major injury.” I looked, and indeed, Elereth's group was approaching.


    “The forgemaster is dead.” Suhr said. “He was no match for us.”

     


    “Wish the same could be said about the canonreeve. Put up a great fight, she did.” Khavas said. “Still, I'd say we killed her pretty nicely.”


    I smiled, then looked at Razum-dar. “What's our next move, Raz?” I asked.


    “We go to Skywatch. Report our success to the Queen. And perhaps, you all can take a well-deserved break. If circumstances allow.” Razum-dar said, shaking my hand. “This one travels faster alone—he will see you then. Bright Moons, all of you.”



    “Skywatch! I'm so excited! I love that city.” Lili said excitedly. We had been there many times in our youth, and had always enjoyed it. I admit I too was quite happy to be going there.


    “Hey, Khavas. You coming with us?” Elereth asked, looking at the Redguard smith.


    He shook his head. “As the Khajiit said, I travel better alone. But I'm sure we'll see each other again.” he said. “Good luck on the road, all of you.”


    As he left, Elereth sighed, sitting down on a nearby crate. Suddenly, she looked sad. “Elereth? What's wrong?” I asked.


    “Hrm? Oh, nothing.” she said quickly.


    “Come now, Elereth, we are among friends. Speak your mind.” Suhr said calmly.


    She sighed. “Well… It's just the whole vampirism thing, again. It's—it's stupid, I know, but, well, I can't stop beating myself up over it. And when we fought Condalin, I felt… I felt the bloodlust again. I'm just scared I'll lose control one day...”


    I frowned, then sat next to her. “Come now, Elereth. You know that won't happen.”


    “I'm not sure.” she said, before sighing again. “But, this isn't the place to talk about this… I'll try and not think about it.”


    “We're not saying that!” Lili said, loud. “What we're saying is that we trust you. This is big deal, yeah, so you'll be thinking about it a lot, but it doesn't define you.”


    “I agree with Lili.” I said, holding Elereth's hand. “Besides, I at least have not given up on a cure. One day, we will find it.”


    “You know, when you say it like that, I almost believe you.” she said, managing a small smile. “Come on… We should probably be leaving town.” With that, we left Mathiisen behind.


    Well, that will do for one entry. I will write again when we reach Skywatch. Until then…


    -Ardolan Larethbinder