Skyrim Character Building » Discussions

Event Build: The Vile Champion

Tags: #Character Build Spellsword  #Joe's Build  #Character Build Enchanter  #Rank:Event Recognized  #Event:Artifacts  #Race:Altmer 
  • March 2, 2016

    Im heading off to work atm by I will be available to critique this build in greater detail later today. 

  • March 4, 2016

    Hey Joe, sorry for the delay. I tried sending you a pm with detailed corrections and advice but hit the PM system's word limit. So I'll type it up here in segments. 


    A High Elf who believes that the Divines have abandoned him now turns to Clavicus Vile and serves him who wields a powerful sword and battleaxe both gifted from Clavicus. He mastered the arts of alteration, enchanting, and a master Alchemist and is extremely dangerous in close quarters combat. 

    The first issue I see with this build is with its introduction. The very first sentence is a run-on but more importantly it doesnt really grab the reader's attention. The introduction is also not quite the right place to give the reader a complete overview of the character's skills, like you have done in the second sentence. Doing so is both boring and unimaginative.

    Here you just wanna focus on who the character is and their motives. The intro should have just enough juicy bits of info to grab the reader's attention. Clavicus Vile is known for swindling mortals into deals they later regret, yet he's a very much sought after deity for those who crave power. I'm surprised you didnt mention that in the intro in some form. Maybe try wording the intro something like this:

    The Vile Champion: A man believing himself spurned and forsaken by the gods, now turns to Clavicus Vile in his desperation. To his new-found champion, the daedric prince of wishes offers many gifts of unfathomable power. But power offered by Vile always has a price, and only time will tell what terrible price the Champion will pay. 

    I'll get back to you with more very soon. I just wanna do it in segments so its not too overwhelming. 

  • March 8, 2016

    Hey Joe, I'm back with more feedback. This time I wanna focus on the backstory. Again, much like with your intro paragraph the backstory is plagued by poor sentence structure and grammatical errors. 

    More importantly, I feel like you really missed a chance there to get into what price this Altmer pays for dealing with Vile. Really, the best part of any story involving Clavicus Vile is the part where the poor mortal who makes a deal with him gets utterly screwed over.

    So before we look into revising that section you should decide what befalls this desperate Altmer as a result of dealing with Vile. Now, I'm not going to write your story for you. Its up to you the author to figure that part out. If you're stuck I definitely recommend having someone from the lore group or role play group look over your build and see what advice they can offer for your backstory. 

  • Member
    March 12, 2016

    I like this, and appreciate your throwing your lot in with Clavicus Vile (and that you can do it so succinctly (I have never been able to just get to the point in a build xD)). However, Curse raises a great point... with Clavicus vile there's always a price to pay, and glossing over that aspect of your character's story really is a missed opportunity. I'd LOVE to see what the Vile Champion's association with Vile does to him :D

  • Member
    April 18, 2016

    That is a nice little update to the Vile backstory section :)

  • Joe
    April 18, 2016

    Thanks a lot Phil

  • Member
    April 18, 2016

    This is ok but there is definitely room for improvement. You should expand the roleplay and give us some more quests to do, or if you just want to stick to killing people come up with a hitlist of your most hated NPCs for us to kill.

    You mention Umbra taking control of the character there is so much room there for the roleplay. But anybuild that mentions one of my all time favs gets a like.