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Slap my arse and call me Alessia - Cursing in TES

  • October 23, 2016 5:15 AM EDT

    Warning: Strong Language

    So me and Phil were talking about cursing in TES and well, mostly the lack of it. Do you remember any kind of curses? I can think of only "Shor´s Beard" or "By Talos" and similar very weak curses. I don´t know how about you, but cursing for me, either in games or books, makes the characters more real and all that, and TES is kind of lacking that since...Daggerfall, where things were more grittier with most of the things having some sexual context - like Real Barenziah for example.

    But...the cursing itself, it doesn´t have to be always about sex and body parts, like "Fuck" "Shit" "Ass". No, there are many other profanities like gods and blasphemy and even that is very weak in TES. Phil likes several lines of mine I used in my writing, such as "Slap my arse and call me Alessia", "Stendarr´s merciful dick", "Boethiah´s pile of shit" or "Mephala´s seventh hairy leg." 

    The first one for example, is basicaly calling Alessia a slut and could get you killed by a priest of Alessian Order. Every curse has a certain meaning. It can be either fleshing out god´s personalities, appearance or maybe the curses could be also fleshing out things the gods lack, like "Mara´s hairy balls on a frying pan" or "Shor´s milky teats". 

    So how about we make a fun out of this and come out with some really funny curses on either gods´s or famous people´s bill, huh? Who wants to start? What is your opinion on cursing in TES? What are your favourite curses? What curses you like to use in writing?


    This post was edited by The Lorc of Flowers at October 23, 2016 5:24 AM EDT
    • 202 posts
    October 23, 2016 5:33 AM EDT

    "She's lustier than a priestess of Dibella during worship" ? XD

  • October 23, 2016 5:33 AM EDT

    "Shor´s milky teats" 

    I might use that one at some point XD

  • October 23, 2016 5:38 AM EDT

    Noodles said:

    "She's lustier than a priestess of Dibella during worship" ? XD

    Oh, yeah, Dibellan Rites and Dibellan Kisses... :D

    How about..."Dibella´s sucking kiss!" ? xD

    • 221 posts
    October 23, 2016 5:45 AM EDT

    I think I remember High King Emeric saying Dibella's Teats or something from ESO.

    Also how about "Triminac's bowels"? Or "Tusk me and call me a skewered Orc"?

  • October 23, 2016 5:49 AM EDT

    Axius Revan said:

    I think I remember High King Emeric saying Dibella's Teats or something from ESO.

    Also how about "Triminac's bowels"? Or "Tusk me and call me a skewered Orc"?

    Love the "Trinimac´s bowels" xD And skewered Orc? Classic! "Well, buy me a dress and call me Orc princess!" 

    I also like to use "Malacath´s smelly armpits" or "Malacath´s wet loincloth". But I still haven´t come up with anything for Trinimac. I heard a "By Trinimac´s Blade" in ESO, mostly from Altmer. 

    • 202 posts
    October 23, 2016 5:54 AM EDT

    Karver said:

    Noodles said:

    "She's lustier than a priestess of Dibella during worship" ? XD

    Oh, yeah, Dibellan Rites and Dibellan Kisses... :D

    How about..."Dibella´s sucking kiss!" ? xD

    I think it's horrible! :))

  • October 23, 2016 5:57 AM EDT

    Noodles said:

    Karver said:

    Noodles said:

    "She's lustier than a priestess of Dibella during worship" ? XD

    Oh, yeah, Dibellan Rites and Dibellan Kisses... :D

    How about..."Dibella´s sucking kiss!" ? xD

    I think it's horrible! :))

    Pfff. You know nothing, Jon Noodles xD

    • 222 posts
    October 23, 2016 5:59 AM EDT

    Well! Xarxes' arse!

  • October 23, 2016 6:02 AM EDT

    Lissette Long-Chapper said:

    Well! Xarxes' arse!

    Mora´s slimy testicles!

  • October 23, 2016 6:07 AM EDT

    How about this one? "Zenithar´s marble balls on an anvil!"

    • 1450 posts
    October 23, 2016 6:26 AM EDT

    :D Haha, this is awesome! TES is a gift which keeps giving. I just lack the imagination to think of any right now. Plus I am tired. But! Of all the subjects in lore which bring me joy, vulgarity is my number one.

    • 6 posts
    November 8, 2016 11:55 AM EST

    As an Imperial? "If you don't shut your Nord/Redguard/Khajiit/Imperial/Breton/Orc/Elf trap. I'll ram this Shield so far up your arse you'll be coughing up the bark!"

    • 224 posts
    November 19, 2016 1:54 PM EST

    Actually taken from an ESO NPC: There is nothing you could possibly say that would interest me. Begone, netch fart.  -Tedoran Hlaalu

     

    Also, I seem to remember seeing "Alkosh's scaly nethers" used by a Khajiit somewhere. And I'm a bit fond of one I made up: "That's guar crap!


    This post was edited by Tenebrous at November 19, 2016 1:56 PM EST
    • 43 posts
    December 9, 2016 6:19 AM EST

    You fetchers have forgotten some of the best insults are form Morrowind, like s'wit and n'wah.