Forums » Elder Scrolls

The Skyrim Singles Board

    • 457 posts
    February 3, 2016 9:06 AM EST

    So, a recently posted build uses the idea of a lonely-hearts column as a cheap gimmick to get its roleplay and backstory across. In an ensuing discussion your favorite lore guy and mine, Phil, suggested personal advertisements for Elisif, Ulfric, and Elenwen, which resulted in the nonsense that follows:

    Fair and Regal Nord widow of Solitude seeks Nord male more interested in who I am than what I am. Stormcloak sympathizers need not apply.

    --Nobody's Pawn

    Single true Nord seeks like-minded true daughter of Skyrim. I enjoy long talks on the justness of the Stormcloak cause, the suckiness of Genral Tullius, and the general awesomeness of Ulfric (true High King of Skyrim) Stormcloak; the old Nord way; and thrones. Must be willing to relocate to Solitude.

    --Over-BEARing

    Single, delightful, sophisticated, intelligent, powerful, well-connected, stunningly beautiful, and slightly deluded Altmer female in possession of a healthy ego  seeks more power, a chance to escape this frigid wasteland, and a finely crafted mirror to talk to. 

    --Puts-the-'more'-in-Thalmore

    It turned out to be a lot of fun, and we'd love to see what personal advertisements you all come up with for any character found in the game. Now because true love can be difficult to find, repeats are, of course, more than welcome (Elisif, Ulfric, and Elenwen are still fair game). So, with Valentine's Day just around the corner, and in the spirit of true love, we present:

    The board is now open for posting... may Mara's love guide you ;D

    • 457 posts
    February 3, 2016 10:34 AM EST

    I had to take off for work, but here's one to start off:

    Single, mature, and justifiably paranoid Nord male seeks: female companionship and solace from the dreams that haunt him. I tire of living in the sewer. I tire of the twenty locks on my door. I tire of the twenty locks on my heart. If you have a secluded getaway above ground, a soothing voice, and perhaps a key... you're probably the one.

    Please respond with one long knock on the door, three short taps, two long knocks, five more short taps, and three scratches. Do this three times, kick the bottom of the door twice, then ask me where I was the 30th of Frostfall--I'll know what you mean.

    --Cautious-but-caring in Riften (Esbern)

    • 411 posts
    February 3, 2016 1:53 PM EST
    I know the characters not from skyrim but hes a nord so hes close enough.

    Single Male Smelly naked Nord Barbarian seeks: Attractive Female Nord (Who wont come up to me ignorantly thinking i was paralyzed by a witch) With a plush rump and Mead! LOTS AND LOTS OF MEAD! Really if she has mead im happy with anyone.
    --That Naked Barbarian (Forstaag The Sweltering)
    • 457 posts
    February 3, 2016 3:19 PM EST

    I had to look that character up... he sounds hilarious, but I couldn't tell if it was a "methinks the Nord doth protest too much" type of thing, or if he really is just ticked off by all the people who assume he's been tricked by a witch.

    Morrowind is hot, so I can see how a Nord (who even in the coldest of climates wears very little) might get a bit flushed xD

    • 1580 posts
    February 3, 2016 3:27 PM EST

    Artistic and outdoorsy Dunmer lady seeks one of the same kind to face the dangers of Skyrim with and create great art together. Likes being above ground, clean clothes and a fresh meal, is fascinated by Dwemer, hates mines.

    --J the Ranger

    • 1460 posts
    February 3, 2016 3:34 PM EST

    Paranoid, controlling bartender seeks an easily controlled male Dragonborn who doesn't take shit from anyone but me. I enjoy strolls through secret bases, evading the Thalmor and eradicating all of  my enemies from the face of the earth. potential suitors must ask to use the attic room, and not be surprised at what my hidden lair holds 

    -Del-Fine of Riverwood

    • 647 posts
    February 3, 2016 3:41 PM EST

    Shy, insecure, newly apointed chieftain seeks a handfull of females that would run the stronghold instead of me, because I have no idea how should I do that. My father was kinda jerk, so I don´t want to end up like him. I promise I will fight and hunt whenever it´s needed, I just need few wives to cook me some meal, forge me some weapons, guard my weapon side, share a good hunt with me. Oh, and I guess we´ll need bigger bed, because we´ll all sleep in one bed.

    - That Orc who became chieftain without a fight

    • 1437 posts
    February 3, 2016 3:41 PM EST

    Lonely, sleeping with torches Bard and headmaster seeks love, and new bed-Vingalmo

    • 1580 posts
    February 3, 2016 4:21 PM EST

     She sounds dreamy.

    • 750 posts
    February 3, 2016 4:27 PM EST

     Sorry guys.

    Fun, aesthetically pleasing and loyal jester seeks someone who will listen, laugh and understand his jokes. I care not for your gender or species, but it has to be open minded about shaving your body so it's easier to oil you. No fury cat-jeets, unless you have terminal cancer and are willing to let go of your body once you die. You need not to bring your own shackles, my friends can provide it once you arrive at my little love refugee in the snowy shores of the Sea of Ghosts. The skull at the door by no means represents my social nature.

                                                                                                                    - C stands for Curious

    • 457 posts
    February 3, 2016 4:58 PM EST

    I wonder what the story is with her and those mines... I haven't spent much time with her, so I don't know if I just never got the full tale.

    • 457 posts
    February 3, 2016 5:01 PM EST

    "Del-Fine"... that's awesome! xD

    • 457 posts
    February 3, 2016 5:07 PM EST

    Dang it! I'm not familiar with that character... gonna have to do some studying up. One way or the other, sounds like the Orc Chieftains have it made! xD

    • 457 posts
    February 3, 2016 5:09 PM EST

    This is a Dawnguard thing, isn't it... I knew not getting the DLC would bite me in the end! ;D

    • 1437 posts
    February 3, 2016 5:11 PM EST

    Its the dude who runs the Bard's College in Solitude

    • 1460 posts
    February 3, 2016 5:14 PM EST

    Such a hidden name, nobody would suspect her 

    • 457 posts
    February 3, 2016 5:51 PM EST

    I thought his name was Viarmo, but either way that totally makes sense now... what's up with him always carrying a torch around? xD

    • 1437 posts
    February 3, 2016 5:58 PM EST

    True, I once saw him sleeping, and his torch was still lit. And yeah, I think I might be confusing the vampire with the headmaster, name wise

    • 457 posts
    February 3, 2016 6:00 PM EST

    That's great! xD

    It also really freaks me out, but then again everything about the Dark Brotherhood does. When I played Mason's Kingslayer, I discovered the shackles and decided that perhaps I'd had enough. I also put an end to "Curious" the second they gave me that option xD

    • 457 posts
    February 3, 2016 6:04 PM EST

    I really should have been able to figure that out, without being told, though xD

    • 203 posts
    February 3, 2016 6:19 PM EST

    Gularzob?

    • 457 posts
    February 4, 2016 10:05 AM EST

    Yes! That's got to be it. I forgot all about the Malacath Quest.

    Thanks... that one was driving me crazy!

    • 647 posts
    February 4, 2016 10:19 AM EST

    Sorry I haven´t noticed I was driving you crazy. Yup, I´m talking about Gularzob, the only chieftain that was appointed (maybe even the single one ever appointed by Malacath), who didn´t have to fight for leadership.

    • 750 posts
    February 4, 2016 12:16 PM EST

    Independent Nord woman seeks a man who can stand the sight of a strong Nord woman.

                                                                                                 - The one who cares for her Gray-Mane

    • 404 posts
    February 4, 2016 12:27 PM EST