Forums » Elder Scrolls

• TheWittenburger

  

  • 6 posts
   

  August 13, 2015 6:47 PM EDT

  This is my take on the factions in the game, based off of the Two Cows Metaphor, often used to satirize economic or political ideologies. 

  Stormcloaks

  You have two cows. You put one in a cramped compartment, and get mad when it doesn't give you any milk.

  Imperials

  You have two cows. Someone tries to steal them from you, and you get in a big fight over it. It's a stalemate, but you give him your cows anyway. Now all the cows hate you.

  Forsworn

  You have two cows. You took them from someone else a long time ago. It was so long ago that you can say that they were always your cows. Most people believe you, but they hate you anyway.

  Thalmor

  You have two cows, and they hate you. You go to steal someone else's two cows, and you get in a big fight over it. It's a stalemate, but he gives you his cows anyway. Now all the cows hate both of you.

  Thieves' Guild

  You have two cows. You stole them. Nobody cares though, because you bribes them with the cows' milk.

  Dark Brotherhood

  You had two cows, but you killed them. People give you milk to kill other people's cows.

  College of Winterhold
  

  You have two cows. Nobody wants anything to do with your cows, but pay good money for the milk.

  The Companions
  

  You have two cows. Every cow wants to be your cow. You genetically modify your best cows.

  Bards' College

  You have two cows and you can sing. But nobody cares.

  Feel free to add your own, or your own take on these!

• Fights

  

  • 72 posts
   

  August 18, 2015 3:53 PM EDT

  Surprisingly accurate.

• Mirric

  

  • 411 posts
   

  August 19, 2015 12:32 AM EDT

  The Dawnguard

  You have two cows but someone wants to drink there blood so you hunt anybody who wants to drink there blood

• Tim

  

  • 92 posts
   

  August 19, 2015 12:35 AM EDT

  Actually, you have to cows and you stay awake perpetually hunting the people who want to drink your cows' blood :D

• Mannimarco

  

  • 161 posts
   

  August 19, 2015 12:41 AM EDT

  Nightingales

  You have two cows. You stole one and the other is hiding. 

• Mirric

  

  • 411 posts
   

  August 19, 2015 12:50 AM EDT

  Dunmer of morrowind

  You have two cows But they were damaged by lizards and volcanos and live somewhere else

• Mannimarco

  

  • 161 posts
   

  August 19, 2015 12:52 AM EDT

  The Forsworn 

  You had two cows. One is up in the mountains and the other one died in the City. 

• Fights

  

  • 72 posts
   

  August 19, 2015 8:50 AM EDT

  Volkihar Clan

  You have two cows. You drink their blood.

• Veloth the Prophet

  

  • 641 posts
   

  August 19, 2015 8:54 AM EDT

  Collage of Winterhold

  
  You had two cows, along time ago one fell off a cliff and the other one has hated you ever since.

• Edana

  

  • 694 posts
   

  August 19, 2015 12:39 PM EDT

  Morag Tong 
  You have two cows. The second cow killed a bunch of other cows because the first cow said it was OK.

  ...More like MOOrag Tong. 

• Borommakot

  

  • 1217 posts
   

  August 19, 2015 12:43 PM EDT

  The Companions

  You have two cows. Both are strangely aggressive and disappear every month during the full moon. You don't ask why.

• Deleted Member

  
   

  August 19, 2015 11:05 PM EDT

  The Blades

  You have two cows. Nobody has seen them for years. Then, one day, you get a ransom note saying you can have them back if you kill a dragon.

• Deleted Member

  
   

  August 19, 2015 11:11 PM EDT

  The Greybeards

  You have two cows. It took you fifty years to get those cows. You heard about someone else getting dozens of cows in less than a year, and now you shout at them very, very loudly.