The Blade of The Past - Prologue Part 1 of 2 (first ever blog, please critique as much as is needed)

  • Never would I have believed that I survived the waves of daedra crashing upon Cyrodiil, never would I have believed to witness the end of the Septim bloodline, most certainly could not believe that the mighty Akatosh was on our side to defeat Mehrunes Dagon due to Martin using the great power of The Amulet of Kings, at his own expense...There was alot that day that made me want to do something, not just sit up in Cloud Ruler Temple guarding nothing more than dust itself, but instead, go out there and help the people of Tamriel.
         One dark misty night, I found myself walking around the stone floors outside the Palace, guards where everywhere saying 'It's been stolen!', I quickly readied myself to scout the area. I headed to the docks, and to my surprise I see my old friend, the one and only Champion of Cyrodiil. I called out for him 'friend!, over here its Baurus', but he was acting peculiar, not himself... as he emerges from the shadows that cloaked him, I see in his hands... an Elder Scroll... I was completely baffled, was this noble Champion hiding his secretive thieving self?...
         I drew my sword, and told him to return it at once, he also drew his sword, looking groggy and disturbed, 'Baurus... this  scroll, it does things to you... the power within it...it... the scroll is mine!' I bashed him with my shield onto the ground, thinking it might ramble his brain enough to not be insane, but to no avail, as I turned around, he slashed me across the back of my knee, my sword falling several feet from me. 'Baurus, Baurus, when will you learn, you could never protect Uriel, so how the hell can you protect yourself from me' he said. I clawed and crawled trying to get my sword, agonized in pain, losing alot of blood, as I grabbed my sword and attempted to strike, he kicked it out of my hands. 'Baurus, it is time for you to meet your fallen Kin', he swiftly raised his sword behind his back, and as he was going to slash, i see the sword fall from his hands, i looked at his chest, and it was pierced by an ice spike of sorts. He fell to the ground, The Elder Scroll rolled to the side of the street, and he lied dead, face down in a pool of his own treacherous blood.
         Shortly after that, I hear a hefty sounding voice from across the street telling me to get up, i grabbed the elder scroll and clinched on to it. 'Get up redguard, we have use for you and the scroll', the mysterious man sounded unlike any other race I'd heard before, but  I obliged and got up regardless. As he came closer and closer to me... my eyes were once again deceived, a short, bearded... elf looking creature approached, wearing some sort of fancy looking gold armour, and behind him came a carriage unlike any I've seen before, it was floating in the air... as I kept looking in astonishment... the man looked up into my eyes and abruptly said 'What is it lad? never seen a Dwarf?'...

Comments

6 Comments
  • Kynareth
    Kynareth   ·  August 12, 2012
    This is a very interesting concept, and I like the Dwemer connection a lot!  It must be something pretty big to make the Champion of Cyrodiil act so dishonorably towards Baurus.  Glad you posted, and I look forward to seeing where you go with this!
    ...  more
  • Matt Feeney the New Guy
    Matt Feeney the New Guy   ·  August 12, 2012
    I'm talking about the Champion of Cyrodil. My first comment was a little unclear
  • Kyle Lopez
    Kyle Lopez   ·  August 11, 2012
    Well Baurus himself isn't exactly insane, but there'll be some crazy twists and such coming up.
  • Matt Feeney the New Guy
    Matt Feeney the New Guy   ·  August 11, 2012
    INSANITY! Sweet idea, I've never thought about having one of my characters be driven insane! That's a really unique idea! Can't wait for more! Like Emer said, just some grammar and capitalization errors, just minor mistakes.
  • Kyle Lopez
    Kyle Lopez   ·  August 11, 2012
    I shall correct it today, and the picture aspect of things is kinda hard since I'm on the 360, unless I can find some online.
  • Todd
    Todd   ·  August 11, 2012
    I really like this idea, but it definitely needs some pictures. Aldo, capitalization and grammar errors need to be corrected.

    Once those are done then you'll have a great story