Path to the Ebony Warrior: Chapter 1 - Shattering the Fourth Wall

  • Author's note: This is a silly little idea I came up with to spice up my grind to level 81, writing an amusing adventure about a Paladin's training regime in which he masters skills he normally wouldn't touch - a bit of a parody on Bethesda's silly 'need to be level 80 to fight the Ebony Warrior' requirement. Enjoy!

    "3 months. 3 months I've been waiting around. I feel as if I no longer have purpose; I've saved Skyrim from Alduin, Harkon, and countless other threats. Now all I seem to do is sit around in Fort Dawnguard all day."

    A disemboedied voice invaded Marcellus' mind.

    "In 7 days, a new challenger will arrive, on the island of Solstheim. We're going to be ready to face him.""

    What? Who's 'we'? Who are you?"

    "I've controlled you for some time you know. Given you purpose. Remember at Helgen? Where you knew exactly where to go, sprinting through the keep and not even listening to those guys? I guided you through it. And now I'm going to guide you through this."

    "Anything for some more adventure I suppose. Now who is this 'challenger'?"

    "A powerful warrior clad in ebony. The mightiest warrior in Tamriel they say."

    "And why do I need to beat him?"

    "For bragging rights of course! Imagine walking into a Vampire lair, and saying 'I killed the Ebony Warrior'. They'd all shit themselves and flee in terror."

    "Fine. So where do we start?"

    "To truly understand your greatest foe, you'll need to be a master of every aspect of combat, magic and subterfuge."

    "I don't like the sound of that subterfuge..."

    "Oh, but you will. I'll make sure of it."


    "Let's start off with finding some trainers, shall we? I know a neat little trick to get some freebies off them..."

    Marcellus trudged over to Whiterun, guided into Jorrvaskr by the disembodied voice.

    "Hmm, not quite a master of heavy armor yet? Go speak with Farkas, ask for some training."

    A long practice session later, Marcellus thought he was quite a bit better off with what he had learned.

    "This is your plan? I've just spent a quarter of my life's savings."

    "Nope, but this is."

    A blast of ice issued forth from Marcellus' mouth, freezing the Companion solid.

    "What're you doing!"

    "Wait for him to get up, then just grab that 10000 gold back!"

    "I'm not a damned pickpocket! My oath forbids it!"

    "Well you're about to be!"

    Powerless to resist the voice's command, Marcellus reached into Farkas' pouch and retrieved the gold.

    "Argh! Why are you making me do this!"

    "I thought you didn't want to be sitting around at Fort Dawnguard?"

    "Hmph. I can't stop you for now, but the Divines will hear of this! The Ebony Warrior better be worth it."

    "Excellent... now, to the Enchanting table in Dragonsreach..."


  • Infernus
    Infernus   ·  February 7, 2013
    Great story so far, i liked the humour mixed in. Makes it stand out from the croud.
  • Dylan
    Dylan   ·  January 30, 2013
    Can't wait for the other parts. This is a great teaser for the ebony warrior.
  • ironfatman
    ironfatman   ·  January 30, 2013
    "You know what would happen if you walked into a vampire lair and said, "I killed the Ebony Warrior?" They'd shit their pants and flee in terror." LOLOL
  • Guy Corbett
    Guy Corbett   ·  January 30, 2013
    Awesome this actually made me laugh out loud lol
  • RuneRed
    RuneRed   ·  January 30, 2013
  • Ponty
    Ponty   ·  January 29, 2013
    Like I said, parody of Bethesda's silly level requirements 
  • Bryn
    Bryn   ·  January 29, 2013
    Ponty, you are an evil person. He is no sneak thief, he has more honor than that