Caylin's Monsters - Ch. 15: Facing Facts

  • Caylin's Monsters

     

     

    Chapter 15: Facing Facts

     

     

    ScreenShot15-1

    I don’t know how long I laid there crying next to the bed… next to Mikael.  An hour.  Maybe two.  When I had finally run out of tears to shed, I stepped out onto the balcony.

     

    ScreenShot15-2

    I was surprised that no one below heard my panicked shouting earlier.  But then again, most of them were drunk, and they may have just assumed we were in the throes of… passion.  I felt sick.

     

    ScreenShot15-3

    I seduced Mikael into following me up here.  He had no reason to doubt me… to fear me.  He just thought he got lucky and was going to have a good time with some feisty young girl.

     

    ScreenShot15-4

    “I showed him a good time alright,” I whispered aloud, and I felt another sob threatening to surface from my throat.  “Right before I murdered him.”

     

    ScreenShot15-5

    At that point, a small voice in the back of my mind stepped forward, “Was it really murder?  Isn’t Skyrim better off without him?”

     

    ScreenShot15-6

    “Of course it was murder,” I responded to myself.  “He may have been a creep, but he wasn’t a criminal.  He never tried to hurt me.  He didn’t even try to take advantage of me.  I’m the one who thrust myself on him.”

     

    ScreenShot15-7

    “I murdered him… I sucked the life from his body, and… I enjoyed it.”

     

    ScreenShot15-8

    A wave of nausea swept over me with that thought, “Oh gods, I enjoyed it!”

     

    ScreenShot15-9

    “And what’s wrong with enjoying a good meal?” the voice asked.  “Is it wrong when someone enjoys taking a bite of a nice juicy steak?”

     

    ScreenShot15-10

    “It’s wrong when a human being enjoys taking a bite of another human being!” I retorted, disgusted with myself.

     

    ScreenShot15-11

    “Oh, but we’re not human anymore,” the voice whispered.  “We haven’t been for a few hours now.”

     

    ScreenShot15-12

    “That’s not true,” I replied unconvincingly.

     

    ScreenShot15-13

    The voice ignored me and continued, “Every predator has its prey.  Mikael just happened to be our first… and he tasted so good.”

     

    ScreenShot15-14

    “Just leave me alone,” I pleaded.  “I don’t want to be a monster.”

     

    ScreenShot15-15

    “Monster?” the voice asked incredulously.  “Is a sabre cat a monster because it eats a deer?  No.  It’s just doing what it must to survive, and that’s exactly what we’ll do.  We’ll survive!  And there’s no shame in enjoying the food that keeps us alive.”

     

    ScreenShot15-16

    “Shut up!  Just shut up!  I won’t live like that.  I won’t do it!  I would rather die than be forced to live off of the death of others.”

     

    ScreenShot15-17

    The voice in my head chuckled, “Silly girl.  We’ll never die now.  We’ve passed beyond the mortal plane.  We are as a god among men.”

     

    ScreenShot15-18

    “No,” I said softly.  “I’m not a god… and I can still die.”  The voice remained silent, and I was grateful.  I knew what I needed to do, and I could think of only one person to ask for help.  But first, I couldn’t just leave Mikael lying there.  He deserved better than that.

     

    ScreenShot15-19

    The inn was mostly empty by the time I left with Mikael.  I waited until Hulda stepped out for minute, and then I carried Mikael and snuck out the side door.

     

    ScreenShot15-20

    That feat would have been impossible for me the day before.  Supernatural strength was just a side effect of my curse, I guess.

     

    ScreenShot15-21

    I didn’t know where to take him.  I tried to clean up the blood as best I could and got him back in his clothes, but the only place I could think to take him was the Hall of the Dead.

     

    ScreenShot15-22

    It felt wrong to just leave him lying on this stone slab, or sarcophagus, or whatever it was, but at least someone would find him there.  The priest of Arkay would surely know the proper way to take care of his body.  Maybe he would even know how to get word to Mikael’s family.

     

    ScreenShot15-23

    “Oh Mikael… you deserved better,” I thought.  My guilt was overwhelming.  This was someone’s son or brother, and I stole him away from them.  I was just like those men who killed my parents and my sister.  I was worse, even.  At least they were soldiers fighting in a war.  They made a mistake with my family, but with Mikael… I murdered him in cold blood.

     

    ScreenShot15-24

    Growing up in the orphanage, we weren’t allowed to visit the temple, so I had never really prayed before.  Right then, however, with the crushing weight of my guilt, I felt compelled to try.

     

    ScreenShot15-25

    I was on my knees in front of the shrine of Arkay, but I didn’t know what to say.  All I could think to do was ask for forgiveness for what I had done.  But then, that small voice in the back of my mind rose up again.

     

    ScreenShot15-26

    “You’re pathetic,” it said.  “Arkay won’t forgive us.  Arkay hates our kind.  Besides, there’s nothing to forgive.  We didn’t do anything wrong.  We just acted according to our nature.”  I could feel the weight of my guilt pulling me downward.

     

    ScreenShot15-27

    I landed on my hands, and it was all I could do to keep from falling prostrate.  “Then our nature is wrong,” I thought.  I did my best to sound confident, but my inner voice was too shaky.  “So Arkay won’t forgive us?”  I could feel my eyes welling up with water.  “Fine.  We don’t deserve forgiveness anyway.”  The tears began to flow out and drip to the floor beneath me, leaving tiny dark spots where they absorbed into the carpet.

     

    ScreenShot15-28

    “It’s time to face the facts, my love,” the voice said soothingly.  “We are a vampire, and we fed off of Mikael the way any higher creature would feed from the lower rungs of the food chain.  This is the cycle of life.”

     

    ScreenShot15-29

    “No… this is a cycle of death,” I whispered.  “And I’m going to stop it.”  I took a deep breath, attempting to stifle the threatening onslaught of racking sobs.  “I’m going to stop it, and I’m going to stop you.  I just need to get to Farkas.”  Farkas knew me better than anyone else in Whiterun, and I trusted him.  He would help me do what needed to be done; what I don’t think I could do myself.

     

     

    Previous Chapter/Next Chapter

     

     

    Table of Contents

     

     

     

Comments

2 Comments   |   ilanisilver and 1 other like this.
  • Karver the Lorc
    Karver the Lorc   ·  October 22, 2018
    Nicely portrayed emotional conflict here. I'd say it's almost... suicidal :)
    • Tralient
      Tralient
      Karver the Lorc
      Karver the Lorc
      Karver the Lorc
      Nicely portrayed emotional conflict here. I'd say it's almost... suicidal :)
        ·  October 23, 2018
      Thanks.  She's definitely struggling with what she's become.