Caylin's Monsters - Ch. 11: The Choice

  • Caylin's Monsters

     

     

    Chapter 11: The Choice

     

     

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    By the time I woke up, it was already early afternoon.  I was slightly embarrassed that I had slept so late.  I immediately went to find Aela to report about completing the job in the Rift.  She told me she didn’t have another job for me at the moment, but Skjor wanted to see me.

     

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    I hadn’t spent much time with Skjor yet, and, frankly, I was intimidated by him.  Actually, the only two Companions in the Circle that didn’t intimidate me were Farkas and Aela.  I had spent the most time with Farkas, so that made sense.  With Aela, I suppose it was because she was also a woman.  I had no doubt that she was as fierce of a warrior as any of the others, but there was softness to her as well.  Pushing these thoughts aside, I quickly got dressed and headed to the main hall to find Skjor.

     

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    In the main hall, Skjor was watching a sparring match between Ria and Njada, so I sat down beside him.

     

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    There was a strange awkwardness as we sat in silence.  I didn’t know if I should say something or just wait for him.  After a minute or two, the silence became unbearable, and I asked him if he wanted to see me.

     

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    He looked over at me and said nothing.  He just stared at me for what felt like an eternity.

     

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    I just sat there, looking straight ahead.  With him staring like that, I was afraid to make eye contact.  Finally he spoke, and he told me he had something special for me, but it wasn’t for everyone to hear.  He asked me to meet him at the Underforge beneath the Skyforge that night.  After that, he stood and walked away.

     

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    At first I was so confused.  What was that all about, I thought.  Then, slowly, confusion gave way to understanding, and understanding to fear and panic.  They wanted me to join the Circle, I just knew it.  That’s why Skjor was acting so strange.  They wanted me to join… to join and become one of those… beasts.  I had accepted the fact that they could be werewolves but not monsters.  However, I had no desire to become one myself.  I thought I would have more time… more time to just be a regular Companion and learn.  Now, my time was up… and I would have to make a choice.

     

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    I didn’t know what to do.  I didn’t want to sit around all day thinking about whether Skjor would force me, or at least pressure me, to become one of those creatures.  So I found a notice the Jarl had posted.  It requested that someone deal with a group of bandits who were holed up in nearby mine.  I took Eldi and rode.

     

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    I took down a couple of bandits as I approached the mine, but other than that, it wasn’t well guarded.  As I hoped, the anticipation of battle helped to drown out all thoughts of the Companions or the Circle.  Right then, my mind was fully focused on the task at hand.

     

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    I entered the mine as quietly as possible.  I was hoping to sneak up on at least a few of them.

     

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    I saw my first targets and prepared to attack.  

     

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    But instead of picking them off from a distance as I planned, I charged them with sword and shield raised.  I really don’t know what came over me.

     

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    I encountered one more bandit before entering the main cavern, but she also fell easily.  I wasn’t sure what was going on.  Was my confidence so high that I could just cut through these bandits like butter, or was it something else?

     

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    I didn’t have long to ponder over these thoughts because I could see the opening to the main cavern up ahead.

     

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    I snuck close enough to the edge of the scaffolding to get a good look at the rest of them.  There had to be eight to ten of them down there.  Once I had the lay of the land, I wasted no time.  I took one of them down with a couple of arrows, and the rest rushed toward me as I had planned.

     

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    As they came at me, I cut each one down with more ferocity than the last until they were nothing but a heap of corpses on the ground.

     

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    As I stood there, covered in gore, amid these men and women whose lives I had so unceremoniously ended, my heart was racing.

     

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    It wasn’t racing out of fear or even from the adrenaline that was still coursing through my veins.  It was racing with exhilaration.  It was racing with excitement.  It was all I could do to not start smiling.  The blood that would have made me cringe a few days ago was now leaving me wanting more.

     

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    I was terrified by this realization, but I couldn’t help it.  Part of me knew it was wrong to be enjoying this, but the other part of me, maybe the stronger part, just wanted more.  What was wrong with me?

     

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    I did my best to clean the blood from my armor, and then I rode hard for Whiterun.  My brain was a whirlwind of thoughts as I rode.  I had been all out of sorts the last few days.  One minute I feel sick from seeing the carnage of war.  The next minute I’m a bloodthirsty warrior grinning over the corpses of my enemies.  Not to mention I haven’t been able to sleep for days, and I’ve been so thirsty my throat feels like a desert.

     

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    When I got back to Whiterun, I made it as far as the Gildergreen and sat down.  I didn’t want to go into Jorrvaskr yet.  I didn’t want to see Skjor or the others.  On top of all the strangeness of the past few days, there was the matter of the Circle and the shape-shifting monster they wanted to turn me into.  When I left Riften, all I wanted was to become strong enough to make a difference… to help bring peace back to Skyrim.  But now… what was I becoming?

     

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    When I finally entered Jorrvaskr, it was empty, and I was thankful.  I supposed everyone was either on assignment or out in the yard training.  Since I joined the Companions, my days had been filled with nothing but fighting and death.  I needed to step away from this for a moment.  I just needed to feel like a normal seventeen year-old girl again.  Even if it was only for a few hours.

     

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    I quietly went downstairs to where I stored my things and changed into my dress.  It felt like a lifetime ago that I wore this.

     

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    I wouldn’t say I was exactly happy, but I did feel somewhat relieved.  Something about being out of that armor and into normal clothes lifted the weight that was on my shoulders.  At least for a few hours, the war, the fate of Skyrim, and even the choices I would soon have to make were not my concern.

     

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    I snuck out of Jorrvaskr, making sure none of the Companions saw where I was going, and I headed to the Bannered Mare.  Maybe I could relax a little there, get something to eat, and finally get a drink that would quench this loathsome thirst.

     

     

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Comments

2 Comments   |   ilanisilver and 1 other like this.
  • Karver the Lorc
    Karver the Lorc   ·  October 14, 2018
    Well, I would run too when they would ask me to join Circle. Though I certainly wouldn't come back. The time will tell if that was a mistake or not. 
  • ilanisilver
    ilanisilver   ·  October 12, 2018
    Sounds like she’s gaining a little perspective as to why the Imperials and Stormcloaks keep tearing themselves apart.