Chapter 4
It had taken a while for Ciel’nn to decide if he’d go to Neo Davon and visit Celani’s grave to pay his respects. It was a chance to meet Celani’s parents - Ciel’nn felt a shudder go through his body as he thought about it. He dreaded to meet her parents after her death, but he had do this before he’d be able to let it go. A soft sigh escaped from his lips.
“Are you sure you want to do this? The Indoril are still strict if I’m not mistaken.” Maros asked as they were standing at the gateway of Mournhold. They had visited the shrine on a daily basis until Ciel’nn was ready decide on the next move. He had been crying a lot, but the younger mer had started to feel better, even if he didn’t say it - Maros wouldn’t know this if he wasn’t a keen observer. To see his friend up and about something made the older mer happy.
Ciel’nn looked to the older mer. “I have to do it. How else I get the guilt off my chest?” His eyes shifted towards the road. “I need to do this so I can forgive myself.” He stated, more to himself than to Maros. He’d follow the Pilgrim’s route that he did with Celani and meditate at the shrines to honor her memory.
“Alright, but you come back here before you leave again. Am I understood, Ciel’nn?” Maros said and put his hand on Ciel’nn’s shoulder. The younger mer nodded. “When you say it in that tone how can I say no?” Ciel’nn replied with a smirk. “I’ll see you later, Maros.”
The trip to Neo Davon would have taken five days, but Ciel’nn hadn’t prepared for the ash storms that broke out abruptly. He had pulled his hood and face mask on while he tried to find a shelter. The nearby cave seemed to be good enough, but the mer was prepared for a fight if something or someone inhabited it.
The cave had been taken by three reavers that had settled in nice and warm around the small campfire. Ciel’nn used the shadows and sneaked further in until he heard them talking about robbing a guar merchant, who would be passing by the next day. The mer narrowed his eyes at this and took his bow from his back. Those fetchers will bleed. Ciel’nn let out a silent growl. Quietly he notched a chitin arrow and aimed.
The arrow flew and the reaver screamed in pain on his shoulder. “S’wit!” The other two reavers scrambled on their feet, cursing and prepared to fight the invader. “
In the shadows, behind the mask, a dark smirk crept on the corner of the mer’s lips. Ciel’nn took his blades out. He took some delight of this situation as he waited the reavers to come closer. The closest reaver was approaching his spot and the mer prepared to lash out. An unseen and quick slash of a blade from the shadows ended the reaver’s life while he gasped and collapsed on the ground.
“Show yourself, S’wit!” the second reaver growled, searching for the assailant. He didn’t need to look for long as the mer stepped in front of him. The blades clashed in a short struggle before the reaver slipped and felt a dagger stabbing into his side. He fell on his knees, clutching to his wound.
Ciel’nn left the reaver alone and proceeded straight to the last one. He was tired from walking and wanted to end this pitiful fight. They weren’t even a challenge for him! Without further ado, he stepped in front of the wounded reaver. Their eyes met for a brief moment before Ciel’nn slashed the reaver’s throat unceremoniously. He turned to look at the second reaver, who was bleeding to death. Bleeding since the dagger wasn’t poisoned. The mer deemed the reaver would die soon enough and settled around the campfire.
In the morning, at New Davon, Ciel’nn had to ask a Temple priest if Celani’s grave was in the family ancestral grave. He felt bile in his throat when he approached the ancestral grave door. It was his fault she’s dead. The guilt was his alone. Slowly the mer opened the door and slid inside.
Ciel’nn knelt down in front of the small ashen grave with candles around it. He breathed heavily as if he had difficulty to breathing. The memories of their shared time and the day of her death surfaced in his mind. He bit his lower lip and lightly shook his head before he took a deep breath. With closed eyes, the mer focused.
Celani. I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner. I’ve missed you since you died which is my fault entirely. I should have done something, but it happened so fast… I should have refused to become your temporal guard. Everyone who travels with me tends to die sooner or later. I… I miss you. A lot. I had a lot to say.
I don’t know how I can atone your death. I hope you’ll forgive me. If there’s a judgment coming I’ll take it.
“What do you do here, fetcher?” A stern male voice asked from the stairs.
Ciel’nn’s eyes opened rather abruptly as he was startled by the voice he knew belonged to Celani’s father, Garnas, the head priest of the New Temple of Neo Davon. His heart jumped into his throat while he tried to swallow. Garnas was a hard mer to speak and to deal with - Ciel’nn had experienced it when he and Celani were trying to get permission to marry. Celani had done the most of the talking and persuasion. Finally Garnas had accepted it. As for now, the mer had no idea what he was going to face, though he’d even accept a punch. So, he stood up and turned to face the head priest. “To pay respects, sera.” Maybe politeness would help. He still scares me.
Garnas approached his daughter’s grave, his gaze hard on the young mer. The gaze that blamed you for everything that happened to his daughter. Without a word, the head priest stopped close to the mer and kept his gaze on him for a while. “You let her die, then come here to pay respects? Tell me why shouldn’t I throw you out right now?” He said in an even tone like he’s gritting his teeth together and turned towards the grave. “My daughter is gone and all I get is your returning here to pay respects… after all this time.”
Ciel’nn never had felt so small than he did now. It was obvious to him that the Head priest still hated him. There wasn’t a soft way out of this. “I can at least explain why I wasn’t able to save her?” He probably denies that from me, but it’s a worthy shot. And, another case if he believes me.
“Go on. Let her hear your lies, fetcher.” Garnas said through gritted teeth, and the young mer began to explain how they were on a walk to the shrine when the Dremora Lord had attacked them and Celani had been in between them, getting the killing strike. As for why the Dremora Lord had attacked was his fault entirely.
“I also lost connection to the Three during the attack. I’ve been in the dark nearly three and half years because of it. I’m here to pay respects and meditate. So, if you still want to give the judgment… be done with it.” Ciel’nn stared at the Head Priest. The dark tone had crept into his voice even he hadn’t meant it to.
Garnas just stood staring at the grave before him quietly and weighed every word of what had been said. Either he believed the unbelievable explanation or he had to forgive the mer as it seemed lives gets caught in the Daedra games. He’d also have to forgive himself. The air shifted as if something was waking in the ancestral graves. “You’re forgiven and you’re free to meditate at the Temple shrines, child.”
The mer looked as the Head Priest gave a short nod as to something then headed up the stairs. Ciel’nn took a deep breath as he closed his eyes for a moment. He had first believed he’d be ashes as soon as Garnas point his finger at him and deemed him a worthless fetcher as he did at the beginning. The sudden mood change in Garnas puzzled him, though. It went better than I expected.
Ciel’nn turned to leave the ancestral graves when he felt the air shift behind him. It wasn’t a threatening shift, or he’d gone up the stairs in a blink of an eye. Slowly, he turned to see a wraith like ghost floating towards him. Celani? The ghost nodded and stopped close to him. For a moment Ciel’nn could see her like she was before her death. The ghost brought up its ghostly hand gently onto his cheek while Ciel’nn closed his eyes to imagine the touch. When he opened them again he saw the ghost pointing towards the stairs. He nodded realizing he’d been forgiven and turned once more towards the stairs, leaving the goodbyes for his first love. I’ll miss you, but I’ll move on as you want.
At the Temple, Ciel’nn looked around for the Shrines and found them to be more larger. He’d spend the rest of the day at the shrines and then prepare to head back to Mournhold.
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