The Vianto Diaries - Volume 2, Entry 1. Dushnik Yal

• Posted by Andrew Shepherd December 30, 2015 - 1,129 views

  Turdas 19th First Seed, 4E 204

  TOC

  I've always thought that Turdas was an appropriately named day of the week. It tends to be a shitty day. Mind you, over the past few years, I have had a lot of shitty days.

   

  For those that haven't read my first volume of diaries ( shame on those who have, that stuff is private and highly embarrassing) my name is Vianto. I haven't written for a couple of years and to be honest, I really don't want to talk about the first volume now.

   

  I came to Skyrim roughly three years ago looking for adventure as a Witch hunter. But let's be honest, I was kicked out of High Rock for dodgy business dealings as an enchanter and inadvertently casting a calm spell  (which turned out to be a love spell) on an angry customer because she paid me to enchant a broom that would clean the house on its own (I called it a Hoofer, because it was so fast) but instead it ended up flying and dragging her all around her house. Who ever heard of such an idiotic invention, she said.

   

  This led me to a series of misadventures in this Arkay-forsaken country which has ultimately led me to the Orc stronghold Dushnik Yal, south west of Markarth. I have been here for the past two years with my son, Cyrus, the product of an unholy ( and non-consensual on my part) union with a Hagraven. Read the first bloody volume, I said I don't want to talk about it...

   

  To all intents and purposes, Cyrus is an otherwise normal child even if he was birthed by a bird-woman. The only thing is, when he gets really mad or stressed, he screams at the top of his lungs and drops everyone in a hundred foot radius around him. Except me. I just don't seem to be able to hear it. Cyrus is also supposedly the result of a prophecy about the "Chosen One" (me) and the child I would have (Cyrus) with the hagraven (the Reach Mother) which is also due to a curse I am under. I don't know who or what cursed me, but the wise woman of Dushnik Yal, Murbul, recognized the curse and said Malacath would harbor those who were under one. Thanks Malacath.

   

  Although I've never really liked orcs, this tribe has given us food and shelter for the past couple of years. Until today. You see, Cyrus turned two a couple of weeks ago and has instantly become a monster. Not a real monster, like a hagraven, but his behavior has suddenly become terrible. He throws tantrums, and his food, and his toys. He says "no!" to everything. He won't co-operate with me and is generally really cranky and I wonder if this is part of the curse. Murbul said it isn't and that all two-year-old kids behave like that but the biggest problem is the screaming. When Cyrus throws a tantrum, it stops the village in its tracks. Everyone hits the dirt holding their pointy ears. Chief Burguk has ordered me to carry Cyrus to the mine during these tantrums which helps to insulate the villagers from the noise and it has had the unexpected side-effect of shaking the orichalcum deposits from the walls, making mining it much easier.

   

  But I'm running up that f***ing hill nearly ten times a day and it is killing me!

   

  Murbul has mixed a powerful herbal tincture from nightshade and hawk's feathers which is supposed to help Cyrus sleep. She calls it Nightquill. It certainly does help, but I don't want to drug my son every night until he grows up! He'll become just like his old man!

   

  Anyway, Chief Burguk had a private chat with me earlier today and he feels that it's best if I take Cyrus and move on. Well, he didn't say it like that, it was actually pretty blunt: "Take your squalling brat and f***k off!"

    

  I have tried appealing to Murbul (who is Burguk's mum) but she said the chief's the chief. But she also said she would commune with Malacath on my behalf, which is mighty kind, and terrifying of her.

   *   *   *

   

  So Mubul has just come up to me and told me she talked with Malacath. She said he was pretty short with her for bothering him with trivialities and said (his words) "Tell that f***ing idiot to try Solstheim." That's it. Nothing else. Thanks for nothing Malacath, you daedric asshole!

   

  So Murbul has given me several large bottles of Nightquill and some supplies for the road. Gharol, the blacksmith, has fashioned me a relatively light-weight orc-breastplate with a baby carriage fixed to the back for Cyrus. Finally, Burguk has taken me aside and told me his brother will accompany me to the Windhelm docks. At first I was relieved as his brother, Ghorbash the Iron Hand, is a renowned warrior and I could think of no-one better than him to accompany us through the Reach in case I run in to those Arkay-damned Forsworn. But, "no," says Burguk. "I mean my other brother." 

   

  "What other brother?" I say.

  "My youngest brother, Go-GrabUrNutz, just back from vacation in High Rock."

   

  W.T.F. He has just introduced me to Go-GrabUrNutz. Go-Grab is five foot nothing and weighs about sixty pounds. He takes immediate offense at a height-related comment and jumps at any opportunity to just start a fight in general. F***ing short-orc syndrome! No wonder he has been on permanent vacation and no-one has ever mentioned him!

   

  So we leave tomorrow morning. How we are going to make it from one side of the country to the other in one piece is beyond me. Pretty much everywhere I have been in Skyrim I have caused trouble and I wouldn't be surprised if I have a price on my head. But it seems like we have no other choice.

   

  Dammit! Cyrus has started screeching again and the orcs are roaring at me to shut him up. Out with the Nightquill again. * sigh *.