Forums » Elder Scrolls

TES Jokes

    • 394 posts
    June 17, 2016 1:47 PM EDT

    Vilkas: my dog has no nose!

    Farkas: how does he smell ?

    Vilkas: terrible!

    • 273 posts
    June 17, 2016 1:51 PM EDT

    What is the Companion's favorite "position"?

    Doggy. 

    • 261 posts
    June 17, 2016 2:04 PM EDT

    Warning: The following joke is very, very bad. You have been warned.

    What do you call a pirate from Black Marsh?

    An Arrrrrgonian.

    • 394 posts
    June 17, 2016 2:09 PM EDT

    Yep, you were right. 

    And I was warned 

    • 394 posts
    June 17, 2016 2:10 PM EDT

    What do you call someone who has never wanted to touch Nazeem?

    A liar

    • 394 posts
    June 17, 2016 2:11 PM EDT

    *PUNCH!* I TYPED PUNCH! bloody spellchecker 

    • 649 posts
    June 17, 2016 2:14 PM EDT

    Touch sounds much better.... 

  • Tom
    • 624 posts
    June 17, 2016 2:19 PM EDT

    So is Heimskr's missionary?

  • Tom
    • 624 posts
    June 17, 2016 2:20 PM EDT

    • 273 posts
    June 17, 2016 2:24 PM EDT

    Probably.

    • 45 posts
    June 17, 2016 2:37 PM EDT
    Khajiit #1: This one took J'zhira out on a date last night to celebrate our honeymoon. Khajiit #2: Ah yes, both Masser and Secunda were both out and full, it was beautiful. Khajiit #1: Indeed, I did the same on our first date, the moons really worked in this one's favor. Khajiit #2: Did you bring her a gift to celebrate the occasion? Khajiit #1: Yes, I gave her the same thing I did on our first date. Khajiit #2: And she was okay with that, what did you give her? Khajiit #1: Moon sugar!
    • 394 posts
    June 17, 2016 2:50 PM EDT

    Like

    • 261 posts
    June 17, 2016 4:04 PM EDT
    How to really call someone ugly:

    "You look like what happens when I hit the random option in Oblivion char creation."
    • 273 posts
    June 17, 2016 4:07 PM EDT

    What do you call an uneducated Dark Elf? 

    A Dumb-Mer

    • 51 posts
    June 17, 2016 4:10 PM EDT

    Just saying they look like an Oblivion character is bad enough lol.

  • Tom
    • 624 posts
    June 17, 2016 5:06 PM EDT

    • 273 posts
    June 17, 2016 5:54 PM EDT

    Oh my God, I'm dying 

    • 261 posts
    June 17, 2016 7:46 PM EDT

    Brilliant!

    • 51 posts
    June 17, 2016 9:40 PM EDT

    This is gold! I'm done, I can't breathe XD

    • 261 posts
    June 18, 2016 9:07 AM EDT

    So, there's a massive Khajiit festival. There's dancing and singing and sugar galore, but, most impressively, the leader of the cat-folk is present!

    I'd definitely call that the 'Mane attraction'. 

    • 261 posts
    June 19, 2016 2:32 PM EDT

    Ok, not specifically an Elder Scrolls joke, but it fits nonetheless:

    Why was the injured horse kept at the farm?

    He was in stable condition! 

    • 17 posts
    June 19, 2016 5:03 PM EDT
    Just thought of something absolutely horrible. It goes something along the lines of "Do you know why people from Daggerfall are the best weightlifters? Because they lift Bre-tons"

    That one hurt to write..