The Bright Star of Hope: Amara's Diary, Entry Two

  • 17th Last Seed, Riverwood, Whiterun Hold

     

    My whole body aches. I feel as though I haven't slept in a week, and my wrists are red and sore from the ropes I was bound with. I feel as though I have been running barefoot over cobbled streets, and I have never in my life been so scared. Despite my skill in the Restoration arts, and despite drinking a potion I had made to aid recovery and sleep, I just can't drift off. I am still as tightly wound as I was this afternoon. Moreso  now the adrenaline has worn off leaving my muscles soaked with acid and my mind whirling with thoughts and fears. Even with my meticulous planning and weeks of preperation for my journey, I could not have foreseen I would be arrested and sentenced to death just for crossing a border. Damn this war. Oblivion take the Legion. And fuck the Stormcloaks.

     

    They have taken everything.

     

    Oh, my poor Morihorse! Take care, old friend. I pray you make your way back to the Imperial City safely.

     

    If Akatosh even hears my prayers, that is. For they took my amulet too, and with its absence I feel as if I am drawing on Aetherius from a vast gulf. Everything seems so slow and distant to me now.

     

    They took my favourite travelling boots, forced me to wrap my feet in burlap sacks like a common brigand. They took my robe, the height of Imperial fashion, after they forced me to undress in front of all those eyes. I am humiliated, violated, and I just can't deal with it all right now. Bastards.

     

    Later... Night time, The Sleeping Giant Inn.

     

    I found the stillness I needed so badly at the Sleeping Giant's bar. And Alchemy table. Mixing a potion after two ales and a glass of wine is not something I have had to do since my days as an acolyte sneaking off to Luther Broad's Boarding House. It isn't even called that anymore, but the story goes that Luther was such a legend that the only time he ever left the bar was when Mehrunes Dagon himself crushed half of it. They say he came out swinging his warhammer as if Pelinal Whitstrake had possessed him. Not like this Innkeeper, Delphine, who is such a bitch that if Dagon crushed her inn she would probably accuse him of "snooping around." Snooping. Go fuck yourself, Delphine. Might make you smile.

     

    Sigh. I spent a few hours slightly drunkenly mixing ingredients I picked after escaping with Hadvar, the childish concoctions have actually helped me calm down a little. Or maybe that has more to do with the alcohol. In any case, focussing on the task has helped me centre myself again, although I woud kill for some moon sugar too. Now all I need do is wash, bathe, and sleep to feel more like myself again. The lavender and honey solution I made will make a lovely scent to wear after washing, the music of that waterfall is really calling to me at the moment.

     

    Gods, I feel so guilty for having such terrible and selfish thoughts when the people of Riverwood need my help. But I can't help them while feeling like I do right now, though. I need to heal and process all of this first. I can't even bring myself to think of the dragon. 

     

    Nope. Can't deal with that. Mustn't think of it. Black as the void with eyes like the pits of Oblivion. Such hate flowing from it that it was all I could do to even run when what I wanted was to cower. Thank Akatosh for Hadvar. Part of me wishes I had stayed in his family's house tonight, for right now I could

    No. I know. I just feel so fragile and weak. I hate this, I am a schemanun of the Time Dragon. Yet feel like a little girl.

     

    I pray now, with all of my heart, that Akatosh grant me time. Just one more day is all I need, then I will leave for the city of Whiterun as requested by Alvor. It is the very least I can do to repay him and his family's kindness.

     

    Note: Snowberries. These red berries are prized amongst enchanters and wizards. Found growing on the snowy slopes of Skyrim, these hardy yet humble plants contain elemental resistance properties, as well as focussing the the mind of an enchanter more keenly. I have heard they also taste great in an apple pie.

     

     

    Three.

    Five

Comments

12 Comments   |   The Wolf Of Atmora and 8 others like this.
  • Simpa
    Simpa   ·  September 30, 2017
    One gets quite a different view on Amara now compared to the first parts. How others see her and from her own thoughts.. Not quite the saint she's made out to be. ;)  G

    Good stuff Paws! Where'd the Moon Sugar thing come from though?  :-O
    • Paws
      Paws
      Simpa
      Simpa
      Simpa
      One gets quite a different view on Amara now compared to the first parts. How others see her and from her own thoughts.. Not quite the saint she's made out to be. ;)  G

      Good stuff Paws! Where'd the Moon Sugar thing come from though?  :-O
        ·  September 30, 2017
      :D Well, this series was based on a character I was playing rather than a structured story, so sometimes I was surprised with what happened. It's like, sure she's a priestess but she's also human with all the stresses and feelings that go along with that....  more
  • DeltaFox
    DeltaFox   ·  June 5, 2017
    I've gone through the first part of the main story in Skyrim that I can't play the game without an alternate start mod anymore. But, in TSC everyone manages to create a fresh "old" start that I enjoy going trough every time. :) Great work!
    It's an i...  more
    • Paws
      Paws
      DeltaFox
      DeltaFox
      DeltaFox
      I've gone through the first part of the main story in Skyrim that I can't play the game without an alternate start mod anymore. But, in TSC everyone manages to create a fresh "old" start that I enjoy going trough every time. :) Great work!
      It's an interes...  more
        ·  June 7, 2017
      Haha, maybe! She's like an otter, resourceful and adaptable. 
  • The Sunflower Manual
    The Sunflower Manual   ·  June 5, 2017
    Was hoping I'd get to see Alduin's attack firsthand from Amara's perspective, but after re-reading it I applaud your decision. We've all seen it enough times already, and this is a journal, after all. Wouldn't make sense to be writing in it while a dragon...  more
    • Paws
      Paws
      The Sunflower Manual
      The Sunflower Manual
      The Sunflower Manual
      Was hoping I'd get to see Alduin's attack firsthand from Amara's perspective, but after re-reading it I applaud your decision. We've all seen it enough times already, and this is a journal, after all. Wouldn't make sense to be writing in it while a dragon...  more
        ·  June 5, 2017
      You're awesome :D
  • Karver the Lorc
    Karver the Lorc   ·  June 5, 2017
    I dig that anecdote about Luther! Sounds like him alright :D And Amara is not so priesty anymore. What little bit of stress and dirt can do with human psyche right? :)
    • Paws
      Paws
      Karver the Lorc
      Karver the Lorc
      Karver the Lorc
      I dig that anecdote about Luther! Sounds like him alright :D And Amara is not so priesty anymore. What little bit of stress and dirt can do with human psyche right? :)
        ·  June 5, 2017
      Thanks Lorc :) Aye, she has had it rough and a lot to take in, but she's strong.
  • BlueDremora
    BlueDremora   ·  June 5, 2017
    "Go fuck yourself, Delphine. Might make you smile." I'm dead hahaha!
    Aside from that. This is good, like not only the writing (which is brilliant) but I love a dark, depressed and pissed-off character. It adds such color to the world when you poe...  more
    • Paws
      Paws
      BlueDremora
      BlueDremora
      BlueDremora
      "Go fuck yourself, Delphine. Might make you smile." I'm dead hahaha!
      Aside from that. This is good, like not only the writing (which is brilliant) but I love a dark, depressed and pissed-off character. It adds such color to the world when you poeticall...  more
        ·  June 5, 2017
      Thanks Blue :) Yeah, I know what you're saying. I've got wo themes running, one from the pov of other's in which she is like a goddess, and the other from her perspective as above in which she is very human. I'm having fun shifting between the two, as bot...  more
  • Golden Fool
    Golden Fool   ·  June 5, 2017
    That sounds just like Luther, he wouldn't even leave the bar should three people walk into his basement and only two come out both covered in blood. What a legend.
    • Paws
      Paws
      Golden Fool
      Golden Fool
      Golden Fool
      That sounds just like Luther, he wouldn't even leave the bar should three people walk into his basement and only two come out both covered in blood. What a legend.
        ·  June 5, 2017
      Haha, thanks Golds :) Yep, totally agree!